AITA For Breaking Up With My GF After She Rejected My Proposal TWICE & I Wasn't At My Dad's Wedding

That vasectomy story happened to someone I know. Except no one told her and she spent so much money trying to get pregnant for years until she got too old and she gave up. Then while cleaning she found the vasectomy paper work. she lost it on him, filed for divorce and left him. He continues to reach out to her to get back together years after the divorce. His excuse? He figured she would try to get pregnant for a while and eventually give up and they can have the happy child free life he wanted with her.... I don't know how he's still alive smh. The most selfish sociopath out there.

F all that sibling confidentiality! If my sibling is doing wrong by their partners, I'm going to let their partner know. Nobody deserves to be lied to nor strung along. I love my siblings and would lay down my life for them, but I'm also going to call them on their BS!

There’s a big difference between choosing a nickname and not wanting to be called something. It’s not about OP choosing her nickname, it’s about her husband and in-laws doing something they know hurts her and not caring. They’re causing her harm for literally no reason And it’s not fair to say she ran away from the problem bc she addressed it immediately and he didn’t listen. She set this boundary YEARS ago and he acknowledged that it hurt her and pretty much said he didn’t care. You can’t fix the problem when the person hurting you doesn’t care that they’re hurting you.

For the second story, there is a surprisingly high amount of stories of people trying to get married without their partner’s children present to make it seem like there’s no “baggage”. It’s ridiculous

She gets to tell people "don't call me that", and nobody gets to tell her how she can or can't feel about her mom being gone.

i think it's lowkey abusive to tell a woman you'll try to have a baby w her while having a vasectomy. When they're "trying" to conceive and can't she's going to take the full "blame" on herself bc in society infertility is almost always seen as a women's issue. Then if they were to adopt without addressing infertility trauma, that can put a severe burden on the adopted child as well.

The worst part of the nickname story is her husband saying she should be “over” her mother’s death by now. Cruel for no reason!

17:30 When I was planning my wedding, we were planning on a ‘childless wedding’ and by that we meant no one under 13 (unless immediate family). Your own daughter not being invited is INSANEEEEE

story 1. it's a boundary thing. like you can't control what people say or do but if they continue to do it after one or two times then they don't really care about you or why it matters to you. it's less about the name and how silly they think you're being and more about respecting a pretty clear and easy boundary you've set. if they're ok with crossing that line then i'm sure they'll have no problem crossing other boundaries in the future.

If any of my siblings were leading on their partner by saying they wanted to have bio kids, and i knew they took steps to prevent that, i would 100% tell their partners. Its horrible and controlling to lead their partners on like that for the rest of their life. Plus, didn't he say he didn't want any kids, which is why he got the vasectomy? How long do you think he would push off adopting by convincing his girlfriend to keep on trying for bio kids?

It’s not just a nickname when they know it’s hurting her. They could so easily call her anything else but they’re choosing to use a nickname that she’s told them not to use explicitly and why.

Regarding the "child-free" wedding - I've seen stories like this before and to me considering how out-of-left-field it was, it feels less like they don't want kids at the wedding and more like they're trying to erase any evidence of the groom's previous marriage so they can "start fresh" - since her not being at the wedding also means she won't be in the wedding photos. Major asshole move all around.

My abusive ex used to call me 'buddy' or 'man' when he was being aggressive or condescending in an argument, and we dated for 9 years so I heard it a lot. I CANNOT have /any/body say it to me in a way that is anything but a pleasant manner. Obviously, these are very common things to call a person (especially as a Canadian), but it still will trigger me a bit if it is said. My partner, if they're a bit worked up, might be like 'come on man!' to me, and it riles me even though I know it is not coming from a place of genuine manipulative anger. SO, all that being said, I think story 1 she is NTA because you have no idea how deep trauma goes. And OP isn't going off on her partner about saying it, she has complex feelings over it. I feel the same.

What gets me is planning a kid free wedding where you have to be 18 and then not planning it and scheduling for AFTER OP was 18 so that she could’ve made it. 🙃

Story 1: You CAN decide what name you will answer to 👀🤷‍♀️ Does he have empathy? He doesn't need to understand. He needs to respect her feelings and grief on the greatest loss in her life enough not to take joy in ignoring her pain. He is an absolute asshole. Why call your wife a name that breaks her heart and removes the special feelings 💔 attached to a name her mom had for her. 👀

When I hear stuff like not disinviting the daughter from the wedding because the bride/wife/stepmother wants it to be child free, what I REALLY hear is I don't want any reminders of your past life here on MY wedding day. It's just one step in inching the kids out of the father's life

Honestly 'Comforter' Kinda slaps

Adults generally should have self control but if you push someone to their limit.... they're still human. That party was never going to end well because the "better" solution was kicking people out or "she's not allowed back to our home" the parents were still going to be mad and not discipline the child correctly. And the kids demanding an apology and swearing at an adult, but not apologizing or being fake when she did the same thing is shitty and a poor reflection on the parents. I would bet money an adult has said to her "Do you have something to fucking say for yourself". i feel bad for the coffee kid bc she's a little shit, but bc it seems she's not being parented. It seems to me like she's acting out because she wants to be acknowledged by the adults and negative attention is still attention. The child who isn't loved by the village will burn it down to feel it's warmth. Not having kids doesn't means you don't need to show any compassion towards children. However sitting and letting a kid disrespect you is not "being an example" for a child. I don't think the wife needs to apologize unless she's actually remorseful and I don't think the husband being on the side of the wife is an issue.

Telling someone to get over their moms death is absolutely insane

Throwing coffee at the kid was both hilarious and a missed opportunity to say “Bug!” I’m a parent, if your kids are wilding out and your not correcting them that’s when the village gets to step in.