How to BE A MAN: essential and performative masculinity

There is a contemporary crisis in masculinity. Whereas 100 years ago, everyone seemed to take it for granted what it meant to be a man, today the topic is rife with dissention and speculation. Unfortunately, much of the advice men hear today pertains to what I call "performative masculinity": a suite of behaviors that can be learned to communicate masculinity socially. While there is nothing wrong with this, such advice fails to cut to the heart of the matter. In today's episode, I discuss the two attributes of "essential masculinity". Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com/ Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com/ GRE Bites: youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: youtube.com/channel/UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw/join Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com/ Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #men #masculinity

Having a spine = the courage to say "No." Having balls = the courage to say "Yes."

"suffer the risk of being somebody" is a great phrase

I just asked a girl I liked from my favourite coffeebar if she wanted to go grab a drink, got rejected but it felt enourmously freeing! I stood up for what I believed in and rejection is part of life. I'm not going to die from it so why not bother the risk. I'm growing more balls and whatever is meant for me will come, but you got to be willing to make the first move.

Outstanding video. YEAH! My Dad was the manliest man and most courageous man I knew. He fought as a Guerilla in WW2 in the jungles of the Philippines. He was afraid in combat, but courage is doing the right thing even if you are afraid. I remember many nights when I heard him screaming in his sleep from a nightmare. Once I told him I heard him screaming, and asked him what his nightmare was about. He said he was reliving what it was like to be shelled by artillery. He survived, he endured, and didn't retreat even though he was scared. He fought for what he believed in. Once a certain other man was harassing a certain woman, and Dad, unarmed intervened to protect the woman and said, "you'll have to kill me first to get to her". The would-be assailant backed down. The woman Dad rescued eventually became his wife and then my mother. RIP dad. I love you and miss you...

the word for me is "responsibility". a man takes responsibility for himself and once he does that he can extend that circle further and further

Being a man is about knowing yourself, knowing what you want out of life, and having the willpower and determination to achieve this.

Having a spine: standing up for what you believe in and your mission Having a pair of balls: willing to achieve your purpose no matter what others think Thank you

Well said. I'll add that a lot of what helps us to be men is a healthy level of testosterone. Which means we need to sleep well, exercise, lower our stress, and avoid chemicals that can disrupt our hormones (such as in plastics). It's something we need to take seriously since our testosterone levels have dropped a whopping 50% from our forefathers.

As a man that was raised mostly by a single mom and was very feminine for many years and has now grown a lot to be a strong man. I could have not come up with a better definition. Thank you for your input Doc.

'Most of the things in your head were put there by other people and a lot of that stuff is garbage'; straight up. I love the way this guy puts things across so clearly.

Best answer I've heard so far from someone on the internet. No tough guy shit, no social construct nonsense, no alpha male garbage. A spine and some balls. I'll use that to help construct my opinion on what a man/masculinity is in the future. I guess what im looking for is what makes masculinity unique to males and what makes femininity unique to females.

There used to be a book “Real men don’t eat quiche”. My wife makes an excellent quiche, and I enjoy it. I always wanted to write a colliery, “Real men don’t let other people tell them what to eat.”

Your messages are so clear and concise. So many people out there need your messages.

Ive been on a quest to free myself from Nice Guy syndrome. I’ve read « No More Mr. Nice Guy » thoroughly and now I’m glad to be referring to this video now as well. Thank you for the advice! Really appreciated

You rocked it doc! I'm 75 now, and I've heard no better definition. I call it willing to stand tall in the pocket, and knowing the hit is coming, as in football... bravo!

In the era of women, being a strong man is even more necessary 💪.

When you stand up for yourself the initial moment is fear. But it quickly becomes so much better the moment it is known to everyone that you're not tolerating it. It's a muscle that needs to be developed just like any other muscle but you'll feel so much better when you finally do stand up for yourself.

I've watched three videos of yours from yesterday till now, it's a rare case that I give thumbs up let alone do it three times in a row. You just say very logical and sane things.

This is one of the coolest and most honest channels I’ve come across. You’re real, sir. Keep it up! You have my support