My Brain Works Differently: Autism And Addiction | Dylan Dailor | TEDxNorthAdams

"I want the people from five years ago to be nice to me." 14:40 Damn, that hits hard.

I hope for a world where autism and addiction are better understood, both separately and in combination. This talk is very valuable in showing that not only does autism not preclude addiction, it makes complete logical sense that those with high anxiety and a syndrome involving repetitive behaviours and sensory overload would develop addictions.

Being a skilled person with autism can make life more difficult because your abilities will allow you to achieve but your interpersonal relationships, which you are cognizant of, can hold you back from improvement. A gifted person who has a history of difficult social interactions can find themselves much more anxious because the desire and need for connection is there and being themselves and being natural consistently gives negative feedback.

For a long time I abused drugs and alcohol so I could feel connected to people. I stopped when I realized I wasn’t truly connecting with anyone and that it would be more noble to face my discomfort head on.

Not being able to express oneself naturally leads to this imbalance. As a person on the autism spectrum, I can say this is not about autism so much as about (autistic) human needs. We are actively discouraged to take care of our own needs by our peers and family, taught not to listen to our bodies, which leads to this imbalance: constantly pushing for more than we can handle and wearing out our bodies and minds.

Tears in my eyes as I listen to Dylan say he is not happy. It is so often the case for autistic people. It is heartbreaking that so many children go through school feeling different and needing to find ways of escaping the pain of rejection.

I know so much how you feel. I was just diagnosed with Autism with ADHD. I am 59 years old. 3 addictions dealt with. Yes, weird is good. My son of 19 is ASD as well. We have a saying that it is a requirement to be weird in our family. 2 nephews on the spectrum as well. Hang in there young whipprsnapper! You can be on my lawn any day. The mean people, most of them will never understand. You cannot reason with unreasonable people. I am proud to be part of the Neurodivergent Nation!!!! I wish I could hug you. You are a stellar young man!

The fact that this guy, whom I've never even met or heard of before, has, for the first time in the course of my nearly 18 years of existence, accurately summed up my life in less the 20 minutes is somewhat terrifying and uplifting both at the same time. One cannot explain what one feels like with autism but it can be a damaging spiral if not handled correctly. Unfortunately most cases are.

Dylan, that was a really good talk, thank you. One thing I know at 63, which I did not know as a neurodiverse person when I was much younger, is that what bothers you may not go away, but they get outnumbered by better things, the longer you live. There will be more good and bad things, but the good things begin to add up, and also to count more. It's a weighted average. We find a way to give more weight to the good things. With the amount of insight you are already showing, you are on the right path.

Hit the nail on the head in the talk. No amount of keeping busy is going to contribute to a sense of belonging. Connection works, community works. We get addicted to patterns as much as to substances. We see a link between the pattern of upgrading skills and social appraisal and that can make us jump to the conclusion that that's also how we get accepted and that we can finally relax in the sense of belonging. But it's our rusty parts that get us friends. I like seeing this talk as one of Dylan's first steps to sharing about his wounds and vulnerabilities. And it's also what makes me like and accept Dylan now.

14:40 "I want the people from 5 years ago to be nice to me 5 years ago." Thank you for putting that into words for me

As someone with Aspergers Syndrome i struggled with understanding humour and double entendres. I also got bumped up a class when I was 6 years of age as i was getting 20/20 in my maths and english. It was only four years later they realised I had autism. Obviously I did not have a clue what it meant but they basically said I see and understand things differently. This manifested in my passions for sports, space, history, english and gaming. It was weird being the youngest in every class i went to, even in university. People would ask me what it was like to be a prodigy, I told them there was no such thing. I told them i did not speak for the first time until I was three. And that my sleeping pattern was chaotic, with difficulties maintaining relationships of every kind. Not exactly prodigical markers. The level of self knowledge for people on the spectrum is second to none. This gives us an immense advantage in obtaining knowledge because we are hard on ourselves and always starved of information. Our standards tend to be so high that people are alienated away from our minds and souls.

You’ve helped me to understand my son better. You deserve a good life. You really are a kind, brilliant soul. Thank you for these words and your bravery.❤️

Psychedelic mushrooms really healed me years back. These are great healing compounds! When used in proper context.

I’ve struggled with substance abuse on and off for over 2 years since I was 17. The reason I started doing drugs was partly because I didn’t feel much connection to the people around me. I also struggled to socialize and make friends. My only friends were practically my parents and siblings. But I think for a lot of autistic people, even if you do have other people in your life, it can be hard to relate to them on a deeper level. So depression is more common for us than NT’s, probably as a consequence of this. Most autistic people also have a greater need for continuity and habits, and addiction is just that. So to me it seems clear that the combination of loneliness as a result of lacking social skills and unfulfilling relationships, depression mostly as a consequence of the latter, and the need for continuity in your life very easily could send you down a bad spiral of addiction.

I've spent over 25 years addicted to everything and 6 months ago found I was on the spectrum. Dylan's story is like a "remix" of my own experiences, the same things but in a different order. I wish I'd known as a kid, struggling to understand myself has taken me down some very dark roads... and no coming back from some of them. I'm going to send this to my mum as Dylan explains things far better than me.

7 years old is a late diagnosis. I got diagnosed last year, just before my 53rd birthday. It feels like my entire life was one big waste of time.

Some comments were that you were nervous. I don't agree. I'm 78, on the spectrum, but it's been 50 years since the diagnosis. I've changed, but I like myself, at long last. No problems, except other people's inability to accept anyone different to themselves. Glad I saw your Talk. Bravo.

Thank you Dylan. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of 4. I’ve done ok for most of my life but I’ve always struggled to make friends and hold down a consistent job. I’ve also drank too much at times in order to try and fit in with other people and that’s led to some bad situations. I wish someone told me at school that I didn’t have to be like everyone else growing up and that I was alright as I was. I think Asperger’s gets worse as you get older because you become more set in your ways and you discover that you can’t really hide what you’re like as a person. People can see through you if you’re trying to be something that you’re not and that can lead to trouble. The best way to deal with Asperger’s is to know your limits and try and live with what you have. If you don’t get married or have children (or hold down a job), you can find other ways to be happy (like hobbies.) I’ve had to accept that my life may not go the way of other people’s but that’s ok. What matters is to be happy.

When I was 4, my dad got diagnosed. When they took me to get checked out, I was on the spectrum as well. My father hid the diagnosis from me, because where I was from, autistic kids are treated like monsters, and get placed in special classes. I did not learn about my diagnosis till I was 22.