40k Lore, The Death Korps of Krieg!

"You didn't save my life! You ruined my death!" -Death Korp. on Space Marine Intervention.

Administratum: "We need a single regiment." Death Korps of Krieg: "20, take it or leave it."

"A Kriegsman's favorite item, their bayonet" Sad Shovel noises

*A single gunshot rings out * "Seems someone just executed someone for cowardice." "Probably the Commissar." "Well, yeah who else would execute someone for cowardice?" "No, I mean the Commissar was executed for cowardice."

Average guardsman: "We're completely surrounded! " Death Korps guardsman: "Good. Now we can fire in any direction."

average guardsman sees a dead commissar "keep fighting he might be faking it." kreg guardsman sees a dead commissar "finally we can fight more now since we don't have somebody to tug a leash on us"

Chaos marine: We're under attack by a Krieg regiment but don't worry my lord, I've killed their commissar. Chaos commander: You did WHAT?!? We're doomed you idiot!

Astartes : It takes years of training, meditation, conditioning and hardship to produce a single battle brother. 10,000 of the finest warriors of mankind, capable of facing the most brutal and horrible terrors the galaxy can conjure and prevail. Our battle honors span millennia. Each Astarte is worth 1000 times his number. What ... are you looking at? Krieg Quartermaster : (staring at his notebook) Accounting for nominal casualty rates and allowing for shortages, my home-world produces enough troops and material to destroy your chapter every 96 hours. Nice armor you got there. Paint that yourself?

"We need 10 regiments to aid a siege. Mortality rate is around 98%." "20 regiments you say?" "Where do you want us to sent those 35 regiments to?"

Chaos marine: Instead of running you're coming closer Death korps of kreig guardsman: I need to get closer to beat the shit out of you

Deathkorps soldier: "I would like to apply for officer school" Guy behind desk: "Qualifacations?" Deathkorps soldier: "Surviving 3 campaigns" Guy behind desk: Candidate should easily make major or higher Edit* Spelling error.

Orks drive past Krieg with the windows rolled up and hope to Gork and Mork that they aren’t noticed

Narrator: War. War never changes Krieg Guardsman: Oh, thank the God Emperor!! I was beginning to worry that the war might try to run away. Narrator: ....

Most planets have an army. Krieg is an army with a planet.

"Do you know how many men we lost in that last Assault?!" "Did we win?" "No!" "Not enough then."

This is what happens when you let a historian write science fiction

"So much loyalty and will to sacrifice that Commissars develop an inferiority complex" Claps in loyalty to the God Emperor

Death korps officers "We request the deadliest assignment you have" Administratorum "Suddenly.... Life has new meaning to meeee"

I love that the planet is named “Krieg” and it was paradise. I’m sure you all know that Krieg literally means “War” in German.