How to Get Good at Small Talk, and Even Enjoy It

This is great. Sometimes I feel like I need a manual for being a person.

"Nice weather eh?" "Aaahmmm... t- te- tell me more"

1. be Interested not Interesting 2. Pause, don't react too quick (Use Paraphrasing) 3. "Tell me more" 4. Ok to make mis"take" - Connection not perfection 5. Be concise - tell the time not tell how to make the clock 6. Use Structure - a logical connection of your points (What - So What (Why) - Now What (What's Next)) 7. Curious about something around and start conversation 8. White flag ending (Tell them it's about to end)

"Goal is to be interested not interesting" brilliant.

I need to watch this, yesterday I asked my local barber what did he do for living while having haircut.

Someone on reddit changed my whole outlook on small talk. He said "The topic of small talk doesn't matter, its about feeling safe and comfortable talking to them".

as an introvert and a socially awkward person, thank you so much for this tips professor, I'll try to put this in action

Mistake = Missed take. Amazing.

I remember watching a lecture from this professor like 10 years ago. It was in the era YouTube didn’t have transcripts, so I wanted to have it printed, so I transcribed it myself. The “What? — So what? — Now what?” structure was presented in that talk. Nice memories. It felt like finding a gem in an ocean of videos. Cool times 😊

I use the "I have to return some video tapes" to get our of small talk, I like the confused look on people's faces

This gotta be one of the best videos about how to be great at small talk

This was very helpful. I’m naturally an introvert, but I’m also a Sr leader within my organization so networking is necessary. These tips definitely help. 👍

How to gather introverts with one video:

I'm autistic and I can't stand small talk. I know some are important for building rapport, but I truly feel they are useless. Will definitely try this, because in my country small talk is more important than everything else to survive.

- View small talk as a collaborative effort to keep the conversation going (00:36). - Enter small talk with the goal to be interested, not interesting (1:06). - Focus attention on others to reduce the feeling of being judged (1:42). - Slow down your response to ensure appropriateness by paraphrasing (2:23). - Ask questions like "Tell me more" to engage others and buy time (3:38). - Treat communication mistakes as opportunities for a different 'take' (4:26). - Practice concision by getting to the point without over-explaining (5:11). - Use structured questions like "What? So what? Now what?" to guide conversations (6:09). - Initiate small talk with context-specific comments to pique curiosity (8:16). - Signal the end of a conversation with the 'white flag' approach (9:19).

I'm gonna set a reminder to watch this once a month

Just make your world about other people not yourself and you'll get instantly interesting! Patient, understanding, compassionate what more can you do?! That's the kind of person I would like to small-talk or even big-talk with. No cheat sheet needed, just being a genuine human

My summation of this video Small talk tips: 1. Small talk is a collaborative process (hacky sack not tennis) 2. your goal is to be interested not interesting (take the spotlight off of you and pass it on to another) 3. take pauses before replying, less likely to say something inappropriate (eg. paraphrasing{validates other & what they said, gives you time to think about whats said}) 4. when you don't know what to say - "tell me more", "what did you mean by", "give me some details" - also gives you more time to think and find a connection 5. mistakes - it's about connection not perfection 6. what if too much to say - consise is better - "tell me the time, don't build me the clock" 7. What if not a natural speaker - Leverage structure - the logical connections of your points - eg. Jazz music - what, so what, now what? - Practice this by asking these 3 questions whenever you are consuming any content 8. how to get the conversation started - initiate through questions based on context / environment - initiate with something that piques curiosity 9. how to end convos - white flag approach - signal the end first then conclude the convo, rather than being abrupt

Notes for myself because i tend to forget right after watching!! - The goal of small talk: to be interested , not interesting - It's okay to pause to think of something to respond - Paraphrase to really understand what the other just said - Simply ask for more details if you feel like you have nothing to say - Think of mistakes just as a missed take. Just take that shot again - Structure: What? - So what? - Now what? 6:49 - Initiate by bringing up something unique you can observe from the environment - The white flag technique to end a small talk: tell them you need to go, but ask one more question to wrap up the convo - Just like anything else in life, practice is the key. Thank you so much for the video!!

Totally agree, i have definitely been the guy trying to land something. Not necessarily to be interesting, but to feel the other person out to see what they like and don't like.