HOW FAWNING HURTS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AND HOW TO HEAL | DR. KIM SAGE

Its such a strange feeling, thinking that no one understands you, and then you click on a video of some lady on the internet and she reads you like a book lol. Thanks for sharing your knowledge!! Much appreciated!

When I isolate and am alone that’s when I feel most like myself and I feel safe to be myself. When I am with others there is an automatic reaction to be who they want me to be instead of me being me! I’m so lonely and yet I feel best when I am alone.

I almost get a panic attack if a person puts my needs before their own cause that goes against what I was thought, my needs always comes last.

Does anyone else remember being really outgoing as a kid - only when the adults weren't around? I was really good at making friends with other kids because I felt like it "didn't matter" and I could just be myself. But I clammed up the second an adult came in the room and put on my "good girl" face. I was scared of getting in trouble, and over time I felt like I had to wear that mask all the time. Now I'm trying to reconnect with who I am and express that to other people, but it's so hard to put the mask down.

This definitely hits home to me. Fawning is something I did to keep the peace at home and to survive as a child. Its TERRIFYING to acknowledge my wants and needs because I'm terrified of people thinking I'm selfish. Obviously, looking after your own needs is not being selfish but it's so hard to break the conditioning of fawning. Our emotions lie to us constantly but our mind believes what our emotions are telling us and it all gets so damn confusing!! Anyway, the more I practice the better I get at looking after me.

I'm learning not to fawn and hide from people. Too many years of being taught to be a doormat. I'm also learning who's worth my time and effort as against wasting time on people who aren't.

Most of my life I have been a fawn. Now that I'm older and things are different in my life, I'm not so much anymore. But once in a while, I'll catch myself being too much of an empath and not presenting myself with a sense of worth and confidence. It's something you have to watch about yourself. Self care is still a huge issue for me. It's a battle I face every day. Thanks for ALL your videos!! They are so very helpful.

🙋🏻‍♀️ this is me! Fawning, putting everyone first but ME. I gave my whole life away. As a kid I had to fawn to survive pretty brutal physical abuse. Brutal childhood, brutal marriage. My husband passed and now I’m putting myself together trying to find and restore myself. I’m writing because I loved writing as a child. Thank you so much for lighting the path with your hard won wisdom Dr Sage, wow your name fits perfectly 😊

I realized a little while ago that I really have no idea who I am and what I want. My whole life has been about trying to live up to other people's expectations. The thing I enjoyed doing most (art) has been tainted and has become no longer enjoyable because that's ALL that I am to other people: The Artist. "She draws so well!", "maybe you can draw something for their birthday", "why don't you and [niece] do some art projects?". And now that I've hit a major artblock after dropping out of art school (again, because other people wanted me to go, not because I particularly wanted to), it feels like I've lost whatever put-on "identity" that I had. Now I'm just floundering. I don't know what I want to do and don't know what would bring me lasting joy because I never gave myself the chance to find it

Fawning has been 💯 me. It just feels so icky. And I hate myself for doing it. And then I hate myself for hating myself. And my self-worth becomes less and less. It has been a vicious cycle of self-loathing. 😔

I fawn and don’t even realize it until I’m alone after the fact. Gross feeling.

I’ve intuitively noticed the fawning response in myself over a decade ago, researched trauma and cptsd 5 years ago — but I STILL UNCONTROLABLY REACT WITH FAWNING in 90% of any human interactions. I became a recluse to stop fawning triggers because mulitple therapies did not lesson my fawning response.

I truly wish you could be my Therapist, most of us, feel so freaking alone and that nobody could possibly understand you! We struggle as children, we struggle as adults, especially if we do not get help. The majority of us, don't want to come out weak. Then to add chronic severe pain to your life..... We're basically all alone! Even with family, we don't want to bombard them at all. Yet we're seen as troubled or outcast in the World. I'm so tired, of hearing people say "there's people worse off than you, be grateful you woke up this morning". So our feelings are seriously diminished. It's truly a never ending cycle/battle with our inner selves. 😢

I have such a huge problem with this. I’m a middle aged self employed carpenter. My “helpfulness” is tied to my income, besides it being a coping strategy from being a kid, raised in a narcissistic family system. I can see now that it dramatically reduced the amount of attacks towards me by being highly valued. But I can go into fawning without realizing it and offer to do things for customers as a solution to their situation and realize afterwards, why did I say that, why did I offer that? What the hell just happened? I have worked hard on internalizing that I am allowed to change my mind and I am safe to communicate it with honesty and integrity. That helps as a means of dealing with it but the fact that it still happens has caused a lot of hesitation and distrust in myself making estimates way harder in ways than ever before.

You just explained why all that assertiveness training I took years ago never stuck: the issue runs much deeper.

Wow does this hit home. I went ten years into adulthood without seeing a doctor or dentist. Once I did start seeing a doctor, my mother’s comment was always “why are you bothering the doctor?” She had me convinced that I didn’t deserve healthcare.

I so appreciate Dr. Sage for honestly sharing her own struggles with social anxiety and business networking and how, instead of trying to force herself into an unnatural (for her) social and business mold, she was compassionate and accepting of herself and utilized her skill of resourcefullness to make her business model fit her natural temperament. Loved that. I felt encouraged by her example. I have struggled with accepting my own social anxiety/avoidance for decades. Thanks, Dr. Sage.

This is so validating. I feel like I was suffocated and this is telling me it wasn’t right that my oxygen was cut off

Me: “so you’re saying my needs are a burden to you and you wish I never realized i had them?” My narc ex: “YES!”

This is a very sobering video. I've always been a people pleaser putting my own needs aside. One example is, People think I'm cheap because I don't buy myself anything. They don't understand, I don't feel I am deserving... has nothing to do about the money..