Your Body Is a Joke

“I don’t know who he disrespected more me or Olivia”😂😂😂

"not chocolatey brown, not fudge brown, as brown as brown as the dirt in the graveyard that awaits you!" 😂😂😂

"You inspired me" "Oh, I didn't mean to" This obliterated me

Damn, that Patton Oswalt bit is almost poetic. I'm in my twenties, and I'm already starting to see the magic fade from the small things in life.

Help sugar bat get back to his insulin STOOPPPP 😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭

I keep Whole Foods bags in my car so my neighbors don’t see me carrying in mcdonalds everyday.

Oh my god, Patton Oswald. I just bought my first serious cereal last week. Up until this point the only cereal I have consumed is rainbow. I told my mom I bought "adult cereal" she didn't believe me. I had to text her a picture

Damn Netflix u didn’t have to come @ me like that. Like I’m trying my best ok ?

Patton Oswalt's bit reminded me of the Saturday Night Live classic bit where Phil Hartman does a commercial for a cereal called "Colon Blow!"

I remember when I first realized that I was "old". I saw someone I hadn't seen in a long time and had only met through my job, so I didn't really know him. But for some reason he gave me a hug then said to me, "You aren't as old as I thought you were". 👵

The Australian lady at the end was hilarious. And she was oh-so correct!! That bunghole hair will both surprise and gross the hell out of you. Lmao 🤣

"Cry more and eat less" 😂😂😂 i love tom segura. Hes such a delightful asshole lmao

"Olivia?"🤣🤣

This should have included John Mulaney's bit about talking through burps and being damp all the time. 😂

I became overweight to the point where I told my doctor that i was tired of using 3 full body mirrors to pee in the morning. So i went from 240 to 175 in a year after getting off of meds that made me go from 154 to 215 in 4 months. I peeked at 240 around 6 months later. When asked if there were any changes, i told the receptionist yes that i had DickeyDoo Syndrome. That's where your stomach sticks out further than your dickey doo. She almost wrote that in my charts haha. But I'm sticking around the 175 mark as of now.

Cry more, eat less 😂 Tom segura is a legend

I just realized, watching a comedian nowadays live, is basically paying to read someone’s top tweets, just with enthusiasm and an ability to convey sarcasm appropriately.

Why are high fiber cereals always sh!t brown? It's like...they wanna make you feel like it REALLY really works....😂 like 'See? Solid in, solid out, smooth move, have a second bowl for the bowl!"

I think the old man trolled the first comedian

I've heard that opening joke about Olivia a bunch of times, and I still laugh out loud. Every time.