Autism And Gender Identity

I’m autistic and ADHD, and honestly, I don’t know what my gender identity is, I know I’m not completely a girl (what I was assigned as at birth), people would tell me I was a girl as a child and every time I would think “what does that mean?”, I still do tbh. My dad who is also autistic was always very supportive of me and how I presented and how I rejected gender as a whole and was just my own person (my mother wasn’t as supportive). If I had to choose a label, I would choose Nonbinary Demigirl; I’m a girl in the same way the moon is a “female entity”, which is not at all, the moon is just a satellite that holds a lot of meaning to us humans and people like to see it as female, but in reality, it makes no difference to what it really is, that’s how I feel. I think that autistic people are a lot more likely to be trans and vice versa because gender is just a social construct, and we, as autistics, tend to not really get social constructs that much, it makes sense that we would identify as something different to what neurotypical society assigned us as

Im almost going to cry watching this, so many ppls comments and your story are EXACTLY how im feeling right now, and honestly i didnt know how the hell i was meant to "feel" like a girl. But i also didnt know how to "feel" like a boy, or an enby. But then the term agender (the only most related to just...not feeling like a gender) doesnt feel right...almost like i dont feel deserving of a proper label, because, unlike how easy landing upon the label "lesbian" was for my sexuality, gender doesnt feel....like it exists?

Like, on a surface level i can say that im a girl, but then i feel like im just saying the words. Like when you use a big word in an essay and you get points for it, even if you dont know what it means. Then you accidentally use that word again and someone goes "thats...not what that means" and you have to confront the fact that you were just parroting something you didnt understand up until that point.

I dont feel like a gender. I dont even feel like any form of label relating to gender identity. I just feel like...me. Like i my present as a girl, but its just superficial. Or at least, thats the best way i can put it into words (even if it stills feels....not 100% right).

Nonetheless, knowing im not alone in this experience has made me well up a little. Thank you ❤️

When I was asked my pronouns I had no idea how to approach it. I found it all very stressful and my answer to ‘what is your gender’ was ‘no’.
Now I understand this a little better. Thank you.

Fellow Autistic here. Thanks for this. I feel like I have “permission” to be as NB as I please. I have been struggling for a long time, thinking what right do I have, and how can I take up that space? Still don’t know, but I’ve always known I’m NB, just didn’t understand everyone didn’t feel that way. Thanks for helping me process this better after struggling for months (since my diagnosis which I felt gave me permission to think about it)

I can totally relate to Gender expression. I love the color pink, paint my nails and wear rings all the time. I didn't find out that i was on the spectrum until age 45. Autism didn't exist when i was growing up. Thank you Ella,. Ryan.

Hi Ella I just watched your latest video on autism and gender identity. I really enjoyed it and I thought it was a lovely tone between information and personal discovery. I appreciate this so much because I'm often in spaces where I see people expected to already know and use very niche ways to talk about gender and gender identity and while that's sometimes understandable it can stop people being able to be curious or explore ideas. You used really clear definitions and boundaries on what feels respectful, but you also showed it as a journey of thinking and changing your mind - I thought that was cool role modelling. I also liked your structuring the vid to talk about how gender stereotypes are not gender identity (and gender expression - but for me the other two aspects are often mixed up in unhelpful ways).

There are many trans guys (ftm) on youtube who were diagnosed autistic, but were misdiagnosed for years because clinicians were not picking up on other autistic traits (some might say the traits women and girls present). Or the doctors blame so much of the person's mental struggles on their transitions, medications/hormones, or other mental disorders. I bet there are a lot more people who are going undiagnosed

Welcome out❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Something funny; Im an autistic woman, I rejected gender stereotypes when I was young. I had my hair very short and "wore boys clothing" but I do find dresses a lot more comfortable, so now that I'm older I only wear dresses and trousers are my enemy.
I've learned I was pansexual in my 20s but your video just made me realize I'm might be also non-binary
Thank you Ella, I'm definitely subscribing to be part of the purple people club too ( even though I really don't like purple 😜)
You've changed my life with this video.

The subject of gender identity is intensely interesting to me. Now at 65 I have run a pretty full gamut of female-sex experiences, and it's been Very Tough. Never have I enjoyed being female, and often have wished I was male. The one female experience I value is as a mother, and I feel the closeness of my children as my flesh, blood, and bone.
I still identify as she/her, for simplicity, but honestly I'm just me. I self-identify as ADHD and autistic, and I guess I have a range of attributes that others might see as masculine or feminine according to their stereotypes. I'm still considering the whole topic...

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. My daughter is autistic, and I know that autistics experience gender differently than I do as a NT. I have been researching trans experiences so I can be prepared if my daughter also experiences gender fluidly. Hearing how your journey went truly helped me understand the journey itself.

You say that gender identity is not based on gender stereotypes but then you say that you can ‘feel’ female or male, or both, or more one than another. I don’t understand. Can someone pls explain how that works? I understand how the gender binary is limiting in its idea that we have to conform to a certain way of looking and acting to affirm our sex, but I don’t understand what allows us to ‘feel’ a certain gender if we are not reducing ourselves to stereotypes/expression.

i don't think no one really "feels like a certain gender" because gender isn't a feeling. people may feel more masculine or feminine at times but that doesn't inherently mean anything about their gender identity. contrapoints has also talked about this on her j.k rowling video. i'm an autistic woman and i don't "feel" like a woman but i am okay with being perceived as such socially and i'm okay with my secondary sex characterics eg. my curvy body. if i had gender dysphoria, then i would consider the fact that i may be transgender or nonbinary.

I’m really looking forward to checking out the resources you’ve provided on this topic! Thanks for all you do!

My agender experience was very much the same so it's gratifying hearing you express your experience.

I really wish I could give this more than one like! Love it, and thank you so much for sharing, Ella!!!

So much of this echos my own discovery of my enby identity. Thank you for your openness :)

I’ve felt the same way that you describe! I feel genderless, though I love dresses and makeup, I definitely can’t say “I feel like a woman” either haha
Neurodivergent and non binary seems to be a theme! 🌈🌈

Thank you for this, and for all your videos. The comments are always so nice to read too. They show me how truly not alone I am. I've not been diagnosed with autism, but I've recently started doing a lot of research into it and think it's at least possible I am autistic. Every single video of yours that I've watched has been immensely relatable.

I'm on the asexual spectrum, and I had almost the exact same gender expression and identity journey as yourself. I wound up feeling that "agender" was the particular right fit for me. My partner has started using she/he/they pronouns for me, at my request, after I did my best to explain my relationship with gender. But I still haven't convinced myself to "come out" that way to my family, friends, and even my queer community. As if I feel that it's silly and self-centered of me to want that recognition when I don't mind "she" pronouns, so why bother people with it? I haven't yet given myself the permission you have, and I'm so happy for you that you reached that place. I'm going to try and adopt your mindset and stop hiding myself out of insecurity or for the convenience of others. Thank you again, and congratulations on being openly you!

Thank you, bi cis guy here to learn