Mourning Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse

The worst thing is facing up to your own weakness in allowing the bullying, brainwashing and blackmail, which made you feel like a weak coward with no self esteem. In old age these feelings can overwhelm you with resentment and regret for your family having lived through it due to your lack of courage to break free.

When I saw that the narc was energized and happy by my grief, i decided to be happy and live my dreams. I now live in a very beautiful organic farm in Mexico, I am alone but I am happier than ever in my life. I am not interested in a romantic relationship, but I have many new friends and a new life. I did have to mourn my losses because he caused me to lose my business, my marriage and my community. These narcissists' are extremely dangerous!

Post break up I've watched months worth of content on narcissism, but it's this lecture that stands out. It's complex material but it's explained so clearly and concisely. The hardest part for me was the realisation that none of what she said or did was real. It was a scam that was wrapped up as love. People, we need to be careful out there, as these beasts walk among us

A covert after an overt is devastating

I've recently been discarded, and it feels like I'm being dragged into an endless abyss. Looking back, I should have left the moment I felt that intense fear. The fear was so overwhelming that I couldn't even catch my breath when he revealed his true self for the first time. It's terrifying because I grew up feeling rejected by my own mother, who called me a mistake. I'm lost and don't know what to do.

As a gay man, my first significant relationship was with a vulnerable narcissist for approximately three years. I resided with him in isolation for around a year in a foreign country, and that was when I experienced the deepest depression I had ever felt, even while taking a high dose of anti-depressants. After leaving him, I returned to the pandemic, with the gym closed, therapy becoming inaccessible, and I was left feeling isolated. During this time of confusion and depression, I discovered Sam Vaknin, as well as other healers like Dr. Ramani, who gave me some answers. However, this process felt like dying, and I cried without understanding why. It was grief for the dream, the fantasy of who I was. Your video made it clear that this was more like a process of death, grief, and ultimately resurrection as I strive to be reborn anew while still being haunted by the ghost of my narcissistic self.

Watching this makes my brain think so much and its just so crazy for 4 years I felt like I was robbed from my own body.

You can accept the loss of self BUT you can reinvent yourself and become a new you!

Look how bad off people are after 2 or 3 years with a narcissist. I WAS RAISED BY ONE! Can't find a therapist. These people gravitate towards me like a magnet. It's hell

Wow, you are absolutely right. They make you think you are the best person in the world. They hold you up until they see any small thing they don’t like, after that they start building a list against you. It sucks that you end up living on egg shells, being afraid of the next thing that upsets them. In the end you are left without a companion and years of work to heal yourself. Idk how to climb out of this whole but I am definitely stuck in the grief of it all.

I totally understand the projection, the maternal image, the hall of mirrors, and how the narcissist created the ultimate grief in the victim by withdrawing that maternal ,unconditional attention. Totally get it! I lived it! I am 3.5 years out of a covert narcissist relationship with therapy, hypnosis, and no contact under my belt - along with education like you offer. But, this is the first time I am listening from a different angle ( because of my healing progress)... and a LIGHT BULB JUST WENT ON in my head as to another reason why it was soooooo devastating for me to break away from this abusive relationship and deal with grief and depression and loneliness..... it was the maternal feeling that he triggered in me and the fear of the loss of his! Of course I would fear that loss greater than some! After all....my own mother died when I was 10 and it was then that I had to go live with my abusive, narcissistic, alcoholic father!! The loss of my mother, the manipulation from my father, 3 other failed narcissistic relationships and now THIS ONE! But I get it now! I was set up for failure from the get go! I know why my therapist initially said, "you are going to become the person you were always meant to be" I was scared to death of that outcome because I had absolutely no idea who I was supposed to be!! I had always been an abused, scared, child afraid of abandonment and had lived my adult life with all the behaviors I had used to protect myself as a child: pleasing, taking care of others, dismissing my own needs, making others happy, never speaking up for myself, and afraid to set boundaries. OF COURSE!!! all of those fears that have driven me for 65 years were activated x10 during this last break up! THANK YOU! I GET IT! I FORGIVE MYSELF- the child in me who knew no other way. I am finally an adult who has some answers and am on a healthy journey forward in life and I am actually now excited to find out who I was always meant to be! THANK YOU!

Such a powerful thumbnail, Almost made me cry. Where is that ‘self’ that once existed. I look in the mirror and see no joy, of the women I once was, before my husbands narcissist abuse. I don’t recognize the reflection that looks back at me in the mirror, Thank you for at least helping me realize that I’m NOT CRAZY! I’m just being gas lighted, repeatedly told, I am nothing, and that I DO NOTHING FOR HIM! I honestly owe you my life. Because I was so close to taking it. Sadly my narcissist husband has isolated me to the point where I have NO FRIENDS, NO SON, either, who hurts the most when the Narc turns your own children against you. It’s painful. So for what it’s worth even when I can’t get outta of bed, you give me hope. Thanks 🙏 😊

I believe I am probably in prolonged grief state from a few things in my life. Really broken at the end of 2019. And then it was loss after loss after loss. It is a deep grief abyss to climb out of I think. Time to seriously do the work.

It’s been 3 years since I broke up with my covert narcissist ex. I’ve learned, healed and moved on but I still feel l’ll never fall in love again like I did with him because it felt so magical and beautiful.

I’ve been there and broke the trauma bond and healed. It took me 2yrs

So happy!! This is the video that was the eye opener that took me from walking around in zombie circles to... this makes sense... there might be something bigger and a process here. I started remembering the things I loved before the three years and none seemed to matter, but as I forced myself to ride horse and try things, I regrew.

Yep, currently in process of separation/divorce from BPD/with Narc tendencies after 31 years. I almost died from this relationship. Codependency and such is a real mess. The healthier I get, the more angry she gets.

I thought that everyone could be happy if I was dead. I was made to feel that I was the problem.

As a psychologist, I find it to be a great lesson really well presented, it summarises many significant points. Thank you for sharing this.

This is brilliant, you explain narcissism like no other. Thank you 😊