After Mom's Thoughtful Eulogy An Offensive Funeral Attendee Speaks
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Published 2017-03-20
boston.cbslocal.com/2017/03/28/quincy-funeral-lung…
He also posted a written apology in the comments below under the name Dave Hershman.
Alternate Video Clip (1 of 2) of David Small at • Offensive Funeral Attendee Alternate ...
Alternate Video Clip (2 of 2) of David Small at • Offensive Funeral Attendee Alternate ...
From Funeral Attendee To Racist
WBZ CBS Boston did their best to present David Small’s disruption at my mother’s funeral but they can’t fully address what was wrong with David’s action and words. Based on his apology, video, and information from the news broadcast he portrays himself as a well-intentioned “outspoken” man addressing a public health issue in the Asian community in the wrong forum. However, it isn’t that simple. He disrupted a funeral racially profiled my mother and funeral attendees. I can accept his apology for the funeral disruption but he is either too ignorance or unwilling to admit to racial profiling.
Racial Profiling
He says, “I hope nobody takes offense at this. I’m not affected by this but I see that the smoke in the church in the Asian churches is so prevalent that I gag when I go inside. I’m not sure if this is a factor, but I think it is a factor, and I believe it is a factor in this woman’s plight, and stress, and fight for her life.” This smoke can refer either to incense burning or cigarette smoking. The image of an Asian person in a temple burning incense or lighting up a cigarette is a common, convenient, and readily available stereotype. I don’t know many Asians who smoke therefore I didn’t think it was a common stereotype, but it could be. David stated he never knew my mother therefore he wouldn’t know my mother isn’t religious and doesn’t practice incense burning or go near them. In my eulogy I already said she wasn’t a smoker and not exposed to second hand smoke. This racial profiling greatly upset family, friends, and I who know her well. David’s not a medical expert on lung cancer. She could get lung cancer from radon, some unknown exposure in Taiwan where she grew up, asbestos, genetic predisposition, or something else. Let's look at two hypothetical examples of ethnic/racial profiling. 1. A young black man is found dead in his home reasons not yet known- should I ask how he was murdered? 2. A middle age Mexican woman from El Paso, TX gets lung cancer - should I ask her why she didn't use a mask in Mexico City where car pollution is prevalent?
Ethnicities Don’t Practice Incense Burning and Cigarette Smoking, Religions and People Do
Wouldn't it be more appropriate to talk about incense burning in terms of religious practices rather than ethnicities? Buddhism, Taoism, Shinto, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and maybe other religions practice it. What’s an “Asian Church”? Does he mean a Buddhist temple, an Asian-American Christian Church, or something else? His ignorance is appalling. Why does he target Asians, cigarette smoking isn’t confined to a single ethnicity. Why didn’t he mention cigarette smoking by whites, blacks, and hispanics?
David Small Is A Racist
Let's illustrate this with a final hypothetical scenario: Adrian Wong, a Chinese-American, attends a 65 year old Irish woman's funeral and went up after the eulogy without knowing the deceased, family, or other funeral attendees to state that I know drinking was a factor that lead to her early death when a relative's eulogy clearly stated that she never drank. Then Adrian Wong addresses the attendees to say that drinking is part of the Irish culture and the Irish community should curb alcohol consumption to prevent unnecessary early deaths. Should I expect applause for my well-intentioned concern for the health of the Irish community? Should I lament that had I made the speech before her death, she might have still been alive. Why would anyone be upset at me, I'm merely stating the truth that drinking is simply part of the Irish culture, they can Google it? We all know excess drinking is a proven health risk and the Irish do it more, right?
I hope my above example illustrates to you how unacceptable David Small’s behavior is. In my view, David Small is a racist not in a malevolent, hateful, and violent way, but as a self-righteous man who improperly uses ethnic stereotypes/“facts” and applies them to people without thinking. By focusing the public's attention on the high incidence of smoking and potential harmful health effects of incense burning in the “Asian community”, he diverts attention to his own incredible racial bias and poor judgement. In his apology he deflects responsibility for his racial profiling by posing as a well-intentioned “outspoken” public health advocate for the Asian community in the wrong forum. I hope you consider my viewpoint thoughtful.
All Comments (21)
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this is something out of a curb your enthusiasm episode
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Can we take a minute to appreciate how good the son’s speech is?
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"I don't know anyone here but I don't like the smoke and I think it possibly killed your mother"
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"I hope no one takes offense to this..." Maaaaybe you shouldn't say anything then.
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Even the baby hated it.
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He's the kind of person who likes to hear himself talk. Society needs to condemn such behavior. The silver lining however is that at least now more people got to hear you honor your mother.
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This is one patient and classy family. I'm so sorry you had to experience this.
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W. Lam, the point is that this is completely inappropriate to wander into a funeral and start telling people that their cultural practices killed this woman. It is not just bad manners and in poor taste but also heartless and cruel.
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It's wonderful that her son was able to give her eulogy. I remember my mom's funeral and there is no way I could have spoken - let alone delivered the eulogy. God bless him.
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This is like an episode of curb your enthusiasm
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Oh. My. Goodness! That was the MOST repulsive, disrespectful and vile act I've EVER seen! I'm so very sorry you all had to listen to such ignorance from a man who had absolutely no business being there. I could tell by the passionate and heartwarming eulogy you gave for your Mother was so touching. As I'm sure you already know, what that man did is not common for us European Americans either. He wouldve been knocked out to be Frank. I hope you and your family are healing.
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Who invited Michael Scott from Dunder Mifflin to speak at the funeral? (Sorry for your loss.)
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The son Adrian Wong spoke with such courage, it is so difficult to speak at your mums funeral.
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I wish the camera would've focused on this idiot's girlfriend sitting mortified while her self absorbed boyfriend made a fool of himself. Also, props to the funeral worker or whomever it was who cut his speech short. I've have a feeling he'd have rambled on for several more minutes. I wouldn't say what he did was racists, but more of alack of social cues and a false belief that others are interested in what he has to say.
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The nerve of this man to feel that he needed to spew such nonsense after such a well thought out,heart felt, emotional, loving, caring speech delivered by a grieving,heart broken, dedicated son.
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As someone who spent 6.5 years in the Marine Corps, I can honestly say that was the most painful thing to watch in my entire life. And I’ve seen a lot.
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That was hilariously bad. If only someone could deliver such an awful speech at my funeral I would be one ecstatic corpse.
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If that was my mom's funeral they would need to measure this man for his casket.
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just to let you know, your eulogy was beautiful. my uncle died of cancer and i just got back from his funeral less than an hour ago, your words brought great comfort to me. thank you.
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What made him think he could say a few words if he had no relation to the family?
