Emotional laws are the answer for better relationships: Diana Wais at TEDxThessaloniki
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Published 2014-06-20
Whether it's aristocracy, models, professional athletes or every day couples they all face the same difficulty of making their relationships work. Diana Wais talked about how "we are all the same" and how we respond with criticism when we feel threatened by words.
However, it is important to "respond to the other person's need with empathy", she said. It is difficult to understand when you are being emotional and when irrational. Her most valid point though was that, as individuals, we need to conquer the unconscious emotions and understand that essentially, we are all fighting the same internal fight.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
All Comments (21)
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Method: Be aware of yourself and how you feel Don’t take it personally, there’s probably something else going on Remain centred on your values instead of being defensive Respond in kindness to the other persons need first
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Emotional intelligence. First healed and become healthy; then awareness and practice, respond to the other person's need first with love and empathy (in faith and emotional laws)
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When you are triggered, ask yourself: 1) What is being triggered? 2) What am I afraid of? 2) What is underneath that? 3) How do I need to heal to ensure it doesnt happen in the future? We have a rational brain and an emotional brain, and the emotional just overrides the rational. We need to understand the dynamics of how emotions work in all of us if we are to handle relationships well. Actually the same emotional dynamics work inside every single person.
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Summarize: »Awareness. »Avoid getting triggered. »Respond to the other person's need FIRST with love and empathy. Questions you need to ask urself when ur getting triggered: 1. What's getting triggered in me? 2. What am I afraid of? 3. What's underneath of that? 4. What do i need to heal in me to not respond like this again in thr future?
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Great presentation. Don’t take anger personally. Avoid getting triggered. Stay in your kindness.
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I never thought about this before, but honestly why isn't there a "Social Interactions" subject in schools?
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Yes we need to teach our children how to identify and handle their emotions.
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'You cannot be triggered into an emotional reaction unless there is a receptor field inside you that's interacting with the trigger.' This is something all empathic people understand of others instinctually, and it's wonderful to be defined so clearly.
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Unfortunately the seeds of doubt and fears are planted in our childhood and get reinforced by those who trigger us. I remember when I was 4 riding my tricycle with my long curly hair flowing and tassels on my handlebars without a care in the world feeling invincible ... that was a time when no one could trigger me ... we can’t be children forever but we can get back to that invincible feeling of self love and happiness in our hearts. It takes restraint and loving others and not being reactionary to everything everyone says to us. I now counteract negativity with positive loving responses. It works 💜
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She deserved way more laughs, the hilarious, classy, gorgeous, intelligent woman that she is! I reeeeaaallly enjoyed this.. I get it now.. Click.
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Her solution doesnt work with narcissistic personalities... it just leads to continued abuse and misery for the empath. We are not all the same.
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This made my eyes close to tears meantime flushed with happiness for realizing something I never knew
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This is something I’m very good at. The day I left my ex I was using all of these skills and showing that patience and understanding and I could just see he wasn’t capable of that and the more kindness, calm and understanding I showed the worse he treated me so I left as that’s when I knew things would never get better
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Wowww!she should teach at a university as a class. Talented and intelligent woman! GOD BLESS HER
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I think the speakers points are valid and pretty well explained. The aim is to limit 'excessive' response by understanding the cause and thus reducing conflict. But even with understanding not every relationship, personal or professional, is fixable as the speaker demonstrated. Especially if the other half of the equation is unresponsive. Sometimes the anger is righteous and all you can do is try to limit the damage to yourself and innocent bystanders.
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This is nearly identical to the concepts and skills that DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) lays out. It was developed particularly for people struggling with mood lability, emotional dysregulation, and interpersonal issues. Whether you suffer from a mental illness, that exasperates these human qualities or not, this is such valuable information for a better quality life. I loved the way she explained it, in a palatable sense for most people to understand. And want!
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This is one of the great Tedx I have watched. Great lessons. Great speaker. Thanks for sharing!
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This video changed my life! I had to watch it about 5 times to understand it totally. Things with my girlfriend kept getting worse, and I kept trying to fix it. She was at the point where I did everything to fix it, she took it as a negative, instead of something positive. So it kept snow balling.... the more I tried to fix it, the worse it got. Now her and I understand why, and can keep fixing it together... with good attitudes. Thanks so much!! Where can I find more videos of your talks? Didn't see anymore on YouTube.
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Ask yourself those 4 question when u get triggered Whats getting triggered in me What am i afriad if What lies underneath that What do i need to heal in myself You can heal you receptor fields so that u dont get triggered that easily
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What I've tried to develop is an appreciation for others that point out to me how I annoy them, either through direct, serious words, or in humor (which I usually ask for confirmation). Then I assess if they are 100% valid, partly accurate, or being prideful in offense because that's where they are in life. Sometimes it's a mix of all three. Quiet time and delayed feedback is a must because usually my first impression is somewhat off. The life lessons that we have hardwired into us about "first impressions" is not a valid tool to apply in close, or a desire to be close, relationships. It's valid in professional relationships but there must be dividers in our reaction centers (our brains) so that we remain aware of this. peace...
