Bloom - Warhammer 40,000 Short
4,280,847
Published 2017-04-18
"A Vindicare should not be mistaken for a human being. Contrary to a human being, who is filled with distractions, memories, and connections to others, a Vindicare is a well oiled machine. He was raised and trained, from birth, that the only reason he wasn't dead, raped, ruined, or suffered under any other horrible abuse that we could think of, was because of the Emperor. They were taught that they were selfish monsters, to even think of being different from their fellows. Their vocabulary is limited to only that which they need. Any deviation is punished by torture. They were taught to hide from their teachers and administrators, and to only come out when the mission was complete, and only when they received word from an authority figure that acted the impeccable imperial. Any deviation was punished with torture. The sense of smell is cultivated carefully. We have attempted to teach them to tell the difference of weapons by discharge smell. Any exposure to perfume, or anything pleasant and unneeded in their missions is punished by torture. Callidus require some socialization to blend in. Culexus, with their small pool of recruits have need to take in any they can find. Eversor, their combat drugs do the trick. Never shall you find any more well disciplined than a Vindicare."
- "So what happened to this one?"
- "We failed to punish him for a botched mission."
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Based on an (in)famous /tg/ story. Ultra heretical. Don't say you weren't warned.
This was originally meant for Valentine's Day, but it eventually grew into a much, much bigger film. Took 4 months to do in total.
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If you like my work and would like to support me in doing more, find me irresistibly cute or you just really, really like me, consider checking out my patreon:
www.patreon.com/cloudofjudgement
It means a lot!
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Many thanks to the people who did the voices, without them this wouldn't have been possible.
Tim Pedersen's channel: / @timpedersen-voiceacting9642
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This film is unofficial and I am in no way affiliated with Games Workshop Limited.
All Comments (21)
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“I...can’t” “Why?” “It’s a goth girl”
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"Well everybody need a big tiddy eldar girl friend at some point in their life" Roubote Guiliman
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Rigorously trained assassin tasked with emotionless untraceable killing from unimaginable distances, literally from a force of assassins so professional that they're basically synonymous with death and can sit perfectly still for weeks on end for a millisecond chance to kill a target... ..defeated by a boner
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Inquisitor: "He allowed the xenos filth to live" Guiliman: "Kill him" Inquisitor: "Understood, kill the assassin and send another to kill the Eldar witch" Guliman: "Come again?" Inquisitor: "He failed to kill a female Eldar psycher" Guliliman: "I'll allow it"
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"She hot, so I not shoot. " The Ordo Hereticus wants to know your location
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(over vox) "Are you under attack?" (over vox) "N-Err, yeah! Just got ambushed out of nowhere!" Necrons appear "Well that was good timing."
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takes off her helmet Vindicare: "On no, she's hot!"
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Still handled better than Master Chief's romance in the Halo tv show
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He forgot the Emperor's protection. Now he's paying for child support.
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Assassin : takes off his helmet Eldar : "oh... um, I have boyfriend"
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Having an eldar waifu is emperor and guilleman approved
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You know what? I'm about to say it: Deep down we all know humanity's best chance for survival is clapping some Eldar cheeks. And we all would want to.
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"And that, Kids, is how I met your mother."
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"Drop her." "I can't, she's hot."
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The Emperor actually permits relations with Eldar. The Emperor does indeed Protect
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Friend: Its not canon! Me: (Holding Love Can Bloom, All Guardsmen Party and TTS device) Its canon to me dammit!
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Cute. Heresy. But cute.
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Me: YOU HAVE COMMITTED HERESY, YOU DIE NOW! HIM: actually I used her as bait to attract some skelly bois to increase my kill count
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How can it be heresy if the returned Primarch himself is likely clapping Eldar cheeks?
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"Letting herself be ambushed by the ancient enemy. Then letting herself be rescued by a double mon-keigh. What a disgrace." -Farseer Idranel, probably
