What is "invalidation"? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)
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Published 2020-05-01
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All Comments (21)
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“I am not responsible for the way you feel”, “You are too sensitive and make a big deal out of nothing”, “You have no idea what you are talking about...”, “You ALWAYS overreact!”, “You have no sense of humor, I was just kidding...”
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"The pain of other people is often experienced as a bit of an inconvenience by narcissists." I actually gasped.
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I needed this video today. Being invalidated for years can really destroy your self confidence. It's like talking to a brick wall trying to discuss anything with a narc.
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thank you for calling toxic positivity what it is - invalidation!!
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When I would break down and cry with my covert Narc ex husband, he would NEVER come to me and just hold me. He'd stare at me from across the room or ignore me in the car. I'd look out the window and try to silently cry because he'd actually get angry. Accuse me of being manipulative when in truth, my heart was breaking over and over đź’” 14 years this went on. THIS is invalidation abuse and also physical & emotional neglect.
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I am a nurse and we learn early on to never say that “Everything will be okay.” Because sometimes things aren’t okay and do not end well. Instead I tell my patients that “I am here and I will take care of you.” I hope it helps them to know that they are not alone.
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The Narcissist would express THEIR feelings for hours about what someone said or did to them. When I attempted to express my feelings, they became impatient, would interrupt and they actually said; "I don't know why you let those things bother you!" "If it was me, I wouldn't waste my time!" Narcissists are HORRIBLE creatures!
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I literally had the biggest aha moment! Now I understand why I hold myself back from sharing thoughts or my point of view to my husband. I didn’t realize it was my defense against feeling invalidated for so long.
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I feel invalidated in my relationship BUT listening to this made me realised that I have also invalidated friends and family without understanding and certainly without wanting to do so . Thank you DR Ramani
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"Invalidation is a weapon if the insecure." 👌🤯
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My parents used to sing cheer up to mock me, I later found out I am autistic and was having meltdowns to ongoing abuse. Toxic positivity is more damaging than people give it credit for.
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When you're constantly invalidated as a child, if you look back at your upbringing, you can kind of understand why you don't trust your own judgement, think you're stupid, etc....It takes self reflection, care and mindfulness to realize your true value. Lack of confidence is soul-crushing, but most of it can be traced back to a toxic home environment.
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Sounds like my family telling me "don't cry" every time I start crying. I need to cry. Let me cry.
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"You ALWAYS exaggerate everything." "You are too sensitive." "I didn’t say that." "You are over emotional." Resulting in constant self doubt, fear of saying anything. No more. I reject this narrative.
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I’ve been invalidated my entire life and it still continues to happen. It’s crazy how dehumanizing a person can be, especially if it’s your own parents telling you, “We’re doing this for your own good.” Trust your gut instinct.
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I’ve learned when you think something feels off and you question it and a narc says, “ I wouldn’t worry about it.” Start worrying, because you have been smeared.
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Loss of Self: *Our needs are rejected, so we deny them. *Our desires are ignored, so we dismiss them. *Our opinions are invalidated, so we discard them. *Our values are dishonored, so we abandon them. *Our words are twisted, so we remain silent. *Our feelings are too painful, so we numb them. Kay Douglas
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Wow the part about bringing up things from the past to deflect really stuck out to me. Or when you bring up something and they “don’t remember” but they remember everything that you do.
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"You think too much"; "I'm just teasing you" - these are some of the invalidating remarks I got from my ex as a way to shut down anything he didn't want to hear.
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Me: I feel hurt when you do that. Him: don’t you think I feel hurt? (Insert word salad)
