Tips For Romantic Relationships With Autistic Partners| Purple Ella

“Use clear language.” 👏 👏 👏

Being in a relationship with my autistic boyfriend is a huge win for me. He is so pure and bubbly. He laughs hard and smiles extra wide. He is easily the most exciting person ive ever met.

“Mr Purple used to do light touches... And it completely killed the mood for me.” I started laughing out loud bc it makes total sense

I agree with all you have said! One thing that has helped me is remembering that just because my husband is NT does not mean he is invincible and he can feel hurt and stressed too.

Lesson learned - Meltdown, walk away and follow up with hug and reassurance. Thank you.

This woman is so lovely - her husband is a fortunate man to be with her.

I’ve been with my autistic partner over 30 years now. Only in the last couple of years he was diagnosed with Aspergers. Our marriage has been a rollercoaster of emotions from high to low over many years . Now that I have the knowledge that I want to deep,y accept him and find out as much as possible about Aspergers. As we rebuild our partnership with this new knowledge I struggle with not feeling valued or acknowledged . He is in his early 60s and is very focused on his work. It does not come naturally to him to put me first. His special interests are finding connection with others. I on the other hand can feel very lonely and unseen by him. 🙏🏽

Thank you!! This really helped me understand why my boyfriend gets frustrated when I try to problem solve for him. I love him so much, and videos like this help me get a glimpse into the way he sees things.

I can not help having melt down and be irritable in dynamic situations etc. but it would be selfish for me to accept that neurotipical people need to adjust to me, just because I am autistic. NO. I am responsible for my behaviour and my words! Naturally, in a relationship I would expect to be able to inform my significant other that I have a melt down or that this or that situation bother me, because they can not demand that I do things impossible for me. Yet, expressing any anger, nagging or hurting someone can not be excused in any way.

Thank you for making this video. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, going on 7 years. I had to work through everything you described alone, and painfully. But watching this video helps me to cope with our everyday challenges and look forward to marriage someday. ❤

Before I watched this video I thought I was REALLY GOOD at reading facial cues and body language for an autistic person...i also read neutral as angry. And sad as angry. I only know the obvious one

Ella, PLEASE do a video on the pros and cons for someone on the spectrum of dating/marrying someone ON the spectrum and OFF the spectrum.

I feel like this should be the norm for all relationships.

As someone diagnosed with autism from the age of 4 I completely agree. I’m lucky that my current girlfriend has finally understood why I feel the way I do. I felt being patient with me was the best thing she possibly could possibly do and never shout at me if I’m doing something wrong and instead tell me calmly where I’m going wrong in order to make our relationship better. Only other thing that’s hard for me is I can never tell if she’s joking about things and it sometimes leads to me going into overload and being upset about things

Ella, thank you so much for this!!! I've been with my husband for 6 years and gosh this sounds just like me and hubby. He also has the "let me fix it" syndrome and it drives me nuts, as I don't understand that that means he cares. Also thinking he's mad, when it's just his resting face. I've started asking him if he is mad, because in the past I just assumed that he was and then felt bad. My husband isn't really into researching or reading. So I've tried to sum up my struggles, as I discover them, but oftentimes I feel like it falls on deaf ears. Yesterday was such a struggle and I felt so alone. I've been assessed, rather hastily in my opinion, and told its borderline personality disorder. That yes I present some autistic traits, but not enough for diagnosis or help. I filed a complaint wanting to be reassessed. Got news yesterday. File is closed. The assessment was adequate and well done, etc. So my only option is going in the private area, which we cannot afford. It's so difficult. I feel like I'm just insane. Hearing your struggles sound so much like mine. So I don't understand why I don't present "enough."

Thank you for this video. I love my autistic partner and I want to support him to the best of my ability.

You are such a delight. Thank you so much for the tips!

This is literally the most helpful video I’ve ever seen! You might’ve just saved my marriage. THANK YOU!

I have always struggled with weekends too for the same reason! Its something I still struge with now, but I like the idea of planning my weekends on a Friday evening. Thanks Ella!

One of the most helpful videos I've ever watched. Great advice for clear communication. Thank you for sharing.