On Being Undesirable

Again, so many people need to hear this message from someone in your community. We, as a society, just don't get this from anyone who is disabled. It just gives us a chance to grow and realize a giant failure in how we perceive individuals who are disabled. Possibly the right person hearing this will treat someone they meet differently just because they heard your words. That's powerful. Keep it up, man, and thank you.

It takes courage to come up at camera speak it. Hats off 👏 ❤

I am an incel pretty much, I have always known deep down that I never really had a chance with women, but it's becoming more and more cemented, my problem I guess is that I don't really know how to spend the rest of my life. I feel so trash, I am not particularly smart, not attractive, lazy, don't really have much going for me, like I kinda question why I am even alive. I just work, get money, and just exist. Is there any happiness? Is there any fun? Even when I do go out to try and have fun I feel bad. I am 30 (and I look WAY older than 30 because that's part of my ugliness) and people look at you weird and treat you weird when you are an older man who is single and you aren't working (even in my teens I looked OLD so I always got treated like a grown man)............. I just honestly don't feel right going out and doing things I feel bad. I have this coworker who is like the only guy I KINDA talk to besides my mom lol. He invited me to a baseball game and it was kinda fun, but I felt out of place, two grown dudes watching baseball idk I just felt like I should be doing something I guess. I don't really like video games that much anymore. I just don't know what I am supposed to do. I feel like if I am not working then I am just "existing" and waiting to die, but I am too lazy to get a better job and most of the careers I look at seem trash. I will never be smart enough to do the COOL shit or the fun work. I will probably do menial work until I eventually die. I don't fit in with ANYONE, the only people I feel comfortable talking too are "undesirables" they are the only people that are close to being like me and they are the only people I feel kinship with, but the problem is that usually us "undesirables" tend to have a lot of mental issues usually because we were bullied a lot or we put up defensive walls, or we straight up are neurodivergent. There is no point in me doing anything because there are millions of other people that already can do it better. I have thought about getting a cabin and being a hermit in the woods but idk, if I buy a sailboat and spend the rest of my life sailing that still feels like just wasting time. IDK. I am honestly fine with never being with a woman, it's bitter, but that's just reality, at this point I don't really even like women anymore, if I ever wanted to experience "love" it would've been when I was young and dumb and still thought it could exist. The time has passed. I just don't know what to do. You seem like a very strong man, I wish you well on your journey, I will look more at your videos and see what you do, maybe there is a path for me there.

I'm glad youtube recommended this video, because as a fellow disabled dude, you've echoed a lot of similar thoughts I've had, and it's nice to hear someone else recognize the tough reality that disabled people have to face, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. I've never had issues making friends, but like you said, first impressions are so important, and if there isn't an initial attraction, chances are the romantic aspect of a relationship will never develop further.

This guy has probably been through so much ❤️

Damn, this was a really eye opening video. I love your vids, and I love how you keep it real. Head up king! You may feel ugly on the outside, but your an extremely bright and beautiful young man

Personally I believe, without any negative, not to try to find love in this scenario because it will only hurt, just accepting that its impossible is the only real rescue in this situation, not feeding by absurd hope, the comment like “you will find someone” don’t make any sense, just accept the different set of basic facts and concentrate on different stuff where the physical traits doesn’t play a role or play less. The enormous capacities of human mind can create the unimaginable in sphere where physical touch is not involved.

Gabe. You rock brother. You have a very humble and truthful way about you. I want to simply state that there is ALWAYS someone for everyone. Just difficult to find em. You're strong. Don't give up.

I agree, Gabe. Some aspects of ourselves make us "undesirable" to a degree. In my case, it was acne, it still followed me to my adulthood and to this day there is a pimple here and there. Not to mention the scars that were left on my face. In your case, I would say that perhaps you do not need to fool yourself and as you say it "get your hopes up". Maybe you only need to look deeper for that person. It might be harder but the world is quite big. Just imagine how many people you will not ever get to know because you do not share the same language. That is why I am learning Japanese lol. I would have not been able to reach quality content as yours, raw, well presented, well educated, had I not learned English as a second language.

I’m very new to your channel but I’m hearing your story and believe me, I wanna know more. I wanna watch your videos and hear more about what you think. Everything you have to say in this video is so fucking real. I really can’t imagine navigating through life having a physical disability that signals me as different from other people in the world. The think I admire is your ability to take in the raw truth and just come to terms with it. Fuck…. And what you said about your childhood friends having some of the only people to get a glance at your true self… it’s an unfortunate truth. I’m glad your sharing your thoughts because you’re a smart dude and you are able to just run with reality

In a nutshell, I come from a dysfunctional and psychologically abusive relationship with my father who was a covert narcissist and had robbed me of my self-worth, I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape that and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately, I guess they didn’t. What seemed like a gift from the universe, just turned into something that only contributed to my psychological and emotional wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, their love was like a benchmark, I couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am and only if I meet certain criteria, and had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved, and if I wouldn’t, then it’s basically ‘bye peace out can’t live with your family’. It’s just unfair to me how my upbringing pretty much got robbed by a narcissist father and is something no kid should ever have to go through, while my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’. Yet, some online stranger on discord invalidates me and even went on to say “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and even a former friend laughs at me and invalidates me and minimizes my feelings saying “well they raised your brother and not you so he’s their kid and not you why do you think you deserve everything what he always gotten.” and that put more salt in the wound…it’s just really unfair, my aunt didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and was like “why not come stay here?”. It has put me in a constant endless loop of rumination. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere. They treated me as equally as their 2 boys… I wanted that with my brother… every other kid gets to have a family home life, the most basic thing in the world… except for me I guess… I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said “How on earth can you not be allowed just the same if not more”. All that I wanted was a life there with my family… why would anyone be wrong for that?

I'm not even sure how I found you but you popped up. I am so depressed. I'm not disabled but man mentally I dunno I am a mess. I like you videos.

Well said. Keep up the enthusiasm!!

Im a disabled girl and i used to hate my disability and people with disabilities ive learned to accept it i actually feel more comfortable dating someone who also has a disability bc i grew up around disabled people and am more usefd to it also we can share struggles a "normal person " would shrug off

Be yourself and keep putting yourself out there. Try going to social events that have people with disabilities and keep an open mind with people! Having a disability doesn't automatically discount you from the dating pool. Focus on having fun first, then take things from there ❤❤❤😊😊😊

I really hope you find someone. It is incredibly tough out there for everyone, so when you have all of those extra barriers and struggles, it is beyond challenging. I happen to be gay, and the gay community is even more shallow with all the conditions, physical and mental that I have, and at 41 I will be alone for however much longer I live, and it hurts like hell. But for you, not to make light of your struggle, but I think you will find a girl who loves you. You might think you are ugly, but I see a handsome man, with a kind heart, and a well rounded personality, and I think you will get there.

Trust me when i tell you. People will never make you happy. I always used to compare my situation and have ended up laughing at myself seeing how the people who have more are actually more miserable

hey, your videos came up in my feed. keep it up

Nobody ever talks to me it’s like a big mystery to me I can’t understand why

Powerful speech, the ending hit a note. Surely there are women who are undesirable too, who feel the exact same way? There are no dating matchmaking websites or apps for this?