The Narcissism Stereotype vs Reality | IGOR WEINBERG

I am a 35 year old woman that is self-aware and accepting of my NPD diagnosis. I have plenty of wreckage in my past but each failure brought me closer to my truth until one day the most important person in my life gave me a dose of my own medicine and everything inside shattered. I'm 18 months into rebuilding myself. It was devastating. And now I live fully self aware and in a lot of emotional pain like never before. But this depressive state has transformed me. I'm glad to see the word getting out that there is some hope for us.

Became self aware almost 1 year ago and have to say it’s been the toughest year of my life. Felt like my whole world collapsed. Everything I thought to be true was partly based in delusion, which to me, was completely real. I feel like I am slowly coming out other end and pray for more healing and acceptance in myself. Made me cry listening to someone talk about narcissism in a non judgmental way and I thank god there are people like him out there pushing to understand and treat the disorder. I think making the disorder less stigmatising will help both parties, the people who have been hurt by narcissists, and the narcissists themselves. Thanks for the upload 🙏

We feel like if one can or cannot accept the news about struggling with narcissism also depends a lot on how it's framed. The first time we were told that we had some strong narcissistic traits was years ago in mental hospital and it very much sounded like an accusation. So we felt like we couldn't really engage with that idea and had to deny it. When our current therapist started talking to us about our struggles with narcissism, she mentioned that she had worked with quite a few narcissistic clients already and that a lot of them were highly motivated and capable. She spoke of them with respect and that really sweetened the deal for us 😅

Just remember - however a narcissist has made you feel is exactly how they feel toward themselves. Master projectors.

If your relationship is toxic, get out of it. Then from afar, it is ok to empathize and have compassion. Inside an abusive relationship, it's dangerous to act on that empathy. I do believe people need to know the dangerousness of the disorder. I do believe there needs to be more clinical treatments and understanding of NPD. It's hard to have compassion in a relationship when the person with NPD is grinding down their loved ones. The popular literature addresses the gap that was left by the professional world who always wanted to focus on the person who come for help in therapy. Nothing like being gaslighted and experiencing more crazymaking in therapy.

well, I definitely think no human should be demonized and we absolutely have a long way to go in understanding and excepting where the behaviors are birthed from. The sad thing I see is most people that end up with someone with NPD have high empathy and a strong ability to forgive. And or a family history of NPD, a.k.a. being raised by someone with it, and then choosing a partner with it. The problem with deeply empathizing well in relationship is the self sacrifice. I grew up in a narcissistic family and was married to a narcissist for 14 years. my biggest regret is the suffering my children still carry. A lot of people will use videos like this as an excuse to stay in their abusive connections. And well, I still have empathy for my ex-husband and do not demonize him. I sure am not happy with the destruction he caused. It can be very dangerous for people that are using denial and magical thinking, and now have a doctor justifying their strong desire to stay in a connection where they are suffering themselves. Use this video and these words to have deeper empathy and understanding of the disorder, not as an excuse to stay where you are being mistreated.

My MIL is a high functioning narcissist. She has tantrums, anger outbursts, speaks very nasty to people whom does do what she wants us to do and brags constantly how beautiful and young people tell her all the time at age 80. She is no longer aloud to be among our family because of it. It’s hard on my husband who just accepts her behavior as “it’s my mother” attitude. So now I am the villain who cannot allow such behavior within my family unit. It’s that bad

I'm inclined to agree generally with the idea of educating about this condition as in any other mental health condition. The problem is that many people who suffer from these types of disorders do not feel distress and do not see a reason to change or seek treatment. When someone has a depressive or mood disorder, a psychotic or thinking disorder, distress is frequently felt. Substance abuse disorders, the distress is frequently felt. It's a person who feels there is something wrong with their way of functioning, thinking or acting or have been told and confronted about these things and seek help. Personality pathology is very different in that one of the more troubling aspects is the lack of awareness of any distress and then saying with all sincerity, there's nothing wrong with me at all, it must be, fill in the blank. The more vulnerable presentation is much more convincing to others with the low self-esteem, hard luck stories of blaming others and always having an answer/excuse for their really poor, damaging behavior towards others, for example. We know that child molesters often have been molested. We know violent people often have been victims of violence. We know substance abuse can cause accidents that kill people and frequently has a generational or heritable component. This is understood, however, there is accountability for consequences. People go to jail. People lose things. They may be seeking help, but there still remains the factor of accountability. I have experienced first hand and seen in cases outside my personal relationship experience much understanding of personality pathology behavior, NPD, BPD but no accountability. That is not reality for anyone who truly wants help, sees the reason and becomes aware of their own distress and the damaging consequences to others. The accountability piece has to be present in a realistic way for both the person with the disorder as well as those who have been affected. We can't in the name of being positive and kind and understanding be dishonest, inauthentic or revisionist of actual events. There must be a balance of information, understanding and accountability expected in order to make real progress in identifying, treating and being realistic of actually how many years of consistent therapeutic intervention is necessary to change these deeply entrenched issues.

As someone who has been following this channel for some time now ( and has been grateful for the responsible and honest take on the difficulties of BPD) I find this one video especially touching. Maybe there is still less knowledge about treating NPD, but demonizing patients and calling them untreatable is repeating the same mistake made with BPD sufferers just a while ago. I am taking about clinicians and therapists mainly as I realise that is hard for people who have been hurt by some behaviors of patients with NPD to have compassion for them. Thanks for (all) the content and work!

"The Handbook of Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Theoretical Approaches, Empirical Findings, and Treatments" This is probably one of the few books available to the wide public which covers the topic in more academic and non-negative way.

Finally somebody said it - all most all books, Youtube videos (yep, Dr Ramani & co), articles are extremely negative and causing harm to both people suffering from higher levels/dimensions of Narcissism (don't forget we all have some narcissistic traits) and people undergone some form of abuse.

Thank you for a fresh take on narcissism. So much demonizing here on youtube. I get people are deeply hurt, but it get intertwined with metnal health and mental disagnosis.

I'm diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. Self diagnosed with early developmental/attachment trauma (I was a cry baby in the early sixties, anxiety problems all my life) Narcissism has definitely been one of my coping strategies, both to "comfort" myself when I have felt rejected/outside as well as when I have been hypomanic king/grandiose. It's almost 2 years since my last hypomania. I really don't want to go there anymore. I still "touch" grandiosity but I seek connection and "physical safety" with people. Still I struggle with self hate and isolation. Problems with self worth/confidence? Yeah but I'd say the core issue is problems with self- and co regulation.

So this is why "changing" the label to more appropriately "try" to communicate with jello. It's what survivors do in relationship to them. Also never changes anyone. Run. No contact. Can't spend life convincing them and not helping the victims of the trainwreck. Education for public please

Finally, someone saying exactly this. I wish this was the kind of video that would come up first when anyone googles narcissist. The world is saturated with such false information.

God bless this doctor for being willing to explore the internal conditions experienced by the narcissist - true compassion here. Narcs can be easy to hate but they are still a suffering soul - even if they don't appear that way.

I think we are seeing emerging insight into the true deeper causes of pathological narcissism . Yes it is traumatising and damaging to victims but the sufferers of NPD themselves unaware of their disorder are damaging themselves and those around them also society at large . Any further research and patient compassionate therapists willing to help treat them have my full support and respect. We need to heal the traumatised people with narcissism to break the cycle of trauma being passed down and prevent any future victims . 👏👏👏

Thank you for your contructive aproach

May I suggest that Dr Igor writes a book that includes how to have a mutually beneficial relationship with someone with NPD. Most of the existing books are indeed negative, destructively so, but there is a real need for a book that helps couples struggling with something that affects them both.

Thank you! So important to provide new resources for this personality disorder. Thanks Rebbie and Dr. Weinberg