Do Artificers REALLY belong in D&D?

Damn, that eyeshadow with those earrings? Slay sis.

My Artillerist was an old lady that knitted spells, and her Eldritch Cannons were just crocheted beanie babies of D&D monsters. A beholder that looks like a deflated soccer ball, rolling around shooting beams. A dragon flamethrower. A Unicorn that defends people with rainbows. Honestly it was SUCH a fun character. Adelaide Clydesmare, what a legend.

I once made an artificer who used cook's utensils as his arcane focus, wore a tabard with flames on it, had spiky hair, and was all about bringing his enemies to "flavour town"

Armorer: HAUNTED ARMOR PUT GHOSTS IN THE ARMOR, INFUSE YOUR ARMOR WITH THE SOULS OF THE DAMNED, PUT GHOSTS IN YOUR DAMN ARMOR

My girlfriend played in a campaign recently where she was a Thri-Kreen Artillerist Artificer, and since shes an irl entomologist, she themed everything around bugs and grafted bug parts, with some runic magic mixed in! Her eldritch cannon was a beetle that latched onto her back like a backpack and it was so cute

I think it’s worth pointing out just how well the Artificer can be reflavoured as a witch. All the infusions feeling like witchy trinkets, the alchemist brewing potions in a cauldron, the eldritch cannons walking around with Baba Yaga’s hut’s chicken feet, the steel defender being a reanimated familiar, the armourer’s armour just being a heavily enchanted apron. Tools required can allow for an alchemist supply, herbalism kit or cooks utensils to be used as a focus, all of which could just be pulling spells out of a cauldron.

Tbh EVERYONE should be reflavouring their spells, not just artificers. Non-mechanical theme changes are tons and tons of fun. My very first character was a genasi fire mage evocation wizard. When he cast "Fly" he used flame jets to propel himself because i thought it would be cool. The table loved it

"clockwork things are too steampunk" In 1515, Leonardo Da Vinci was commissioned by Pope Leo X to design and construct a golden mechanical lion to present to the king of France, the lion is recorded to have strode forwards, roared, and then it's chest sprung open spilling lilies out at the feet of the king. If you need an artificer that fits the wonky, indistinct, perpetual late-medieval to high-renaissance fantasy theming of D&D, then Da Vinci is a pretty solid shout.

The “classic blunders” gag had me nearly spitting out my soda I was laughing so hard! Love The Princess Bride so a reference is always welcome!

I got inspired by Luz from the Owl House to make an artificer who casts with their painter's supplies, I took an alchemist artificer and re-flavored the potions as glyphs, I still had the alchemists tools to "make paint". This character felt very different from what you expected an artificer to be like. I only wish we got more subclass options.

I'm glad you realized that the flavor is just that. There's tons of ideas for how to flavor the Artificer for an LOTR style setting. 1. Armorer- Old man or lady that is too infirm learns how to enchant armor to act as their body. They could be missing limbs that the armor replaces or just simply need additional assistance due to age. 2. Artillerist- Toymaker that brings their toys to life. You could get a whole quasi santa type vibe going where his turrets are animated toys that do things. Small wooden or lead toys soldiers with bow and arrow, a small animated dragon that flies to the target for the Scorching rays and fireballs, etc. 3. Alchemist- The witch is pretty straightforward, or you can make a master crafter of high Quality alcohol. The experimental elixirs are new recipes that are being tried out and are kept in their own brewing batch. Potion and booze could have enough similarities to make a natural connection point between the 2 and you could have the healing potions you make be high qaulity mead that the party likes more because it tastes better than a normal healing potion. 4-Battle Smith- One of the smaller races tried joining a knightly order but was rejected because they were too small to effectively mount and control a warhorse, so they devoted themselves to study to show up the knights and made their own smaller warhorse out of stone. If you make it an uncontrolled mount you could flavor the character similar to Sir Diddymus from Labyrinth while keeping the defenders attacks, or just have it use it's mobility to get around faster and stand watch while sleeping. The options are plentiful and it's only a lack of imagination that keeps the artificer in the steampunk setting. *Edit* You can get a little wild and crazy with multiclassing too. Bard+Battle smith= your defender is an animated set of instruments that play while you sing. Battle Smith + Paladin= You become a holy knight on your animated steed. battle Smith allows you to use your Int instead of strength allowing you to leave that at minimum requirement. Barb+ Artillerist= You fashion healing totems that you can carry with you into battle to make you even more durable. Rogue+ Alchemist= You make your own poisons and disguises and are very good at it. Minimum int is all that needed, burn spell slots to make more potions that you can pick what the effects are for a little flight, shape shifting for disguises, etc.

I genuinely appreciate how you approached explaining the Artillerist since it is a wonderful archetype. I played one myself that I worked with my DM to make sure wouldn't break the world setting. My artificer was a kobold who used to salvage and repair discarded items like lamps and vices because she found them fascinating. As a result, she was highly gifted at essentially transforming items into other items. She was eventually imprisoned and released as part of a work program in a form of rehabilitation. Her Eldritch Cannon were actually her prison manacles which she imbued with runes and added additional segments into. The runes would essentially use arcane energy to give the manacles a new shape, acting as an arcane amplifier for her abilities. Her Arcane Firearm was very similar. If you can imagine a metal rod looking like gun-shaped stick that a child would play with, it was essentially that. It didn't have the capability to fire on its own but acted as a condenser for energy, allowing her to generate more energy with her spells without expending anything additional. Her whole gimmick was the transformative nature of magic and how it could enable new items and ideas to be given shape and life. I think this was a fun way to approach an artificer in a high fantasy setting because it isn't too unlike a wizard going out and developing their own unique magic after years of study and practice.

The thing about Artillerist is that their primary set of tools (every artificer subclass has one bonus tool proficiency) are woodcarving tools. Those cannons are absolutely meant to be wooden!

Artificers are so much fun to flavor! I like to pick a set of artisan's tools to specialize in (not necessarily linked to the subclass) - my dragonborn alchemist is a master of cook's tools and candymaking, and takes advantage of her fire resistance to directly handle molten sugar and create magically-infused confections. I ended up getting into candy-making IRL and passed out sweets in game when I cast spells on my allies.

I’ve never had a problem with standard Artificer flavor but a prominent character on the list of ones I’d like to play sometime is a “deflavored” artillerist artificer who’s a witch. She channels her magic through earth and stone and all her spells and abilities are flavored as using them. Her cannons are constructs of rock and ground shaped like tiny dragons shooting fire/beams as though they were breath weapons. She infuses items by taking rocks with runes carved into them and trying them to the item. Her bag of holding is always half full of dirt she’s picked up along the way and whenever she pulls an item out it looks like she’s pulling a vegetable out of the ground. When she cast Firebolt she taps a rock with her staff causing it to launch towards her target and catch fire along the way. And as a Vuman she picks up Magic Initiate- Druid for Mold Earth and Druidcraft for extra nature-y flavor.

Gotta be honest, at least half the stuff in DnD doesn't belong in DnD

I love the idea of a Druid Artificer who reshapes plants into living constructs, weaving gems into them for arcane powerups, now and then mixing in the blood and bones of animals and monsters to imbue the constructs with their natural abilities. Some are covered with moss to be sneaky, some are huge lumbering trebuchets for a siege, some are used like a terrifying but expendable "zerg-rush", and some are even made of root and used to burrow like snakes underneath castle walls...

Sauron was an Artificer. Always made sense to me as a high fantasy class.

Exactly! I came to the same conclusion while I was prepping for my Planegea campaign (prehistoric fantasy/stonepunk) in the beginning of this year. One of my players decided to play as a Dwarven Battlesmith Artificer. Luckily for him, there's lots of potential for crafting with stone and bone and it's easy to reflavor the Artificer's Infusions as stone age objects. We reflavored the Steel Defender to a stone golem ;D

As for battle smith, I played a retired ships cook who fought alongside their mechanical cast-iron stove. A guardian during the day, cooking delicious meals at night.