Flip Side of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: ADHD Energy and Motivation (w/ Drs. Hallowell & Ratey)

I hate that I crave praise/recognition, but it makes me uncomfortable when it is received

I have often had this thought: I really don’t need any medicine for my despondency, but a healing word from a friend or stranger!

You know what, I have always thrived on praise. I also always berated myself for it, thinking it meant I was ‘relying on external validation’ or being shallow or vain or something. And I’ve been baffled that any compliment could switch off the bleakest head state like a switch. Thought it was bipolar or something. Or just a sign of inconsistency, weakness, a lack of backbone and integrity… how easily we believe such horrible undermining self talk. I’ve been sitting with this since I listened to it this morning, and I just want to say how much I love it. So simple to be validated, so freaking comforting. But also so exciting ! How easy to tap into motivation ! Makes me want to work and perform and achieve… look out world… lol

2 days ago I self diagnosed ADD. 1 day ago I discovered RSD. Today I learn I can rename it VAST and pour my energy into praise and euphoria. Its been a roller coaster few days but I'm feeling great.

I would add to this is when people believe in me. When they give me big responsibilities, because they believe I can do it. I have done things greater than I ever thought possible! Loved this video! ❤️

To my fellow ADHD people, an attitude adjustment. Rejection, is navigation. It keeps you moving until you find the place where you really belong. It prevents you shaving off the corners of your square peggedness to fit into their round pigeonholes. Find your passion, and you may find that creates a space for you with all the yummy recognition.

My sister has ADD diagnosed. My mum not, but obviously now. It took 27 years of darkness, and in the middle of hell I found God. He was there all the time. It took another 4 years for me to accept that I can't do it alone without sacrificing my health and others close to me. I can do anything I want. Compose, athelticism, writing...geez I know finishing that list takes forever. I hated to say I'm intelligent. But since 3 months I recognize my struggles matching so seamlessly with ADHD symptoms, and through one conversation with my mum (which is rare) I accepted that I HAVE intelligence, BUT that doesn't make me smart. The shit that I held up in myself all these years. The intensity. I thought I was so blind that I self-diagnosed me as narcissistic, but in reality, intent, thoughts, practical and the response from my environment is "We are disappointed in you, because you showed us better, and then are lacking, and it seems like you don't care", which broke me over and over and over and over again. Not that it was noticeable when studying neuroscience msc after not opening a book before 21 and work my way up FROM NOTHING AND NO SUPPORT, when being sponsored in my sports, ran a company for 5 years with more than 100k+ a year a profit in psychology and healthcare with 6 psychiatric nurses working for me, learning to code in 3 months and now succesfull programmer (blockchain, engineer) that works as an ANALIST for the Gov while ex was pregnant, learned bach mozart chopin in 5 lessons of 30 mins over a period of 6 months EFFORTLESSLY, perfected Wing Chun within 2 years, became European Championship Taekwondo, teach statistics to bsc students on uni, played on national level football (KNVB, AJAX, FEIJENOORD), delved into the depths of my soul and mind and Spirit...GEEZ, I never stop(ped) improving, doing better and at least leave this earth a bit better then when I came and left it. Right now, I'm combining my statistical knowledge, pattern recognition, neuropsychological knowlegde that ranges from cell biology to collective consciousness and beyond to MAKE money. I'm a trader now and I'm also making bots. Oh yea, I was a CTO of a FinTech company and raised 600k+ in 10 days. I was miserable 99% of the time or dissociated or found ways to NOT deal with it emotionally, because the pain was unbearable and that it was in my own hands was confirmed every day too. Nobody was there. Until I found God, which is love, and self-love, which is not necessarily a feeling. So, love is a state. If it's your time and you meet me once I could answer SO many things about LIFE AND DEATH. But that's another story, albeit related to God. I know I'm spilling a lot of my life here, but I hope that if you read this and you did not find that hope based on the undeniable truth that YOU ARE DIFFERENT AND ARE IN PAIN, then I hope this sparks you with some recognition. Coz, I dont' care about any material thing in the world. All of my effort and intent is related from the small to the big. And not because I grew in that opinion, but because that's how I ACTUALLY function. Don't beat yourself up too much, you are a warrior experiencing life on higher and lower than average dimensions. You need love. Lot's of it. You deserve it. Fuck, I don't know what to say but to hold on and allow to be with love, which is accepting what is in you. Don't do it yourself. Hyperfocus on not doing anything when feeling BUT feeling. Let it rise and find where it's stuck, stay with God. Believe me, that's where the answers lie. I hope this reaches whoever needed to reach this. NVDL out

I’m never validated since I’m no longer in school, I’m a widow and my husband was my major support. He wouldn’t indulge in flattery and he also never indulged in the cruel criticism the jobs and my family are so generous providing.

I told my therapist that we need to build the fundament of positive reinforcement but she kept exporing my RDS wound (of course no naming it like that) and it led nowhere so we split up. I was also told that labeling my impairment is of no use, I felt deeply misunderstood and ignored. IDDitude Magazine makes a great work exploring this hard subject and sharing the knowledge with people from all around the world. ADHD is very democratic, like depression -affects people's lives internationally.

I really liked this presentation. So many even insightful videos still leave me at a loss. This gave me more than hope, which fades. This gave me a healthier perspective which I can see gaining motivation from, which I've needed for a very long time.

This helps me so much!! Like he said, I can now take this and recognize that I don’t have to stay in a state of shame and guilt. I learned early on to get away from the leeches because it really is true that it drains me!

I wish the audio quality was better. I can’t make sense of half of what the one guy is saying and I was really interested to watch this when I saw it pop up.

I've noticed that when i get praised, genuinely, by an authority figure, i rest on my laurels and stop trying. Maybe I'm worried i can't live up to that praise again.

Intrinsic motivation comes from feeling good about our actions for the own merit the action contains. Tasks that lead to a desirable outcome lead to intrinsic motivation. There needs to be a balance between intrinsic and external motivators when the motivators are not embedded in the tasks.

I feel like anyone who has succeeded with ADHD has done so in spite of the disease. Not because of it. At All. It's absolutely miserable

I use "Bragging Rights" for my completed tasks now.

This was awesome to hear. I'm 46 and recently became aware of having ADHD, VAST, whatever you want to call it. I have been trying to learn all I can so far about this and this is the first majorly positive thing (to me at least) I have come across. So much confirmation in this discussion on what I've observed of my life at different times. Thank you very much for sharing!

You both have uplifted me!! I thank you so much!! Vast is me! Plus you have hit it right on the nail! Thank you!

Anyone knows what the book that they refer to is called? HDHD 2.0 perhaps? Balled my eyes out with this and the RSD video. Found them at the right moment. Had 2 incidences with good friends and a work related thing in a timeframe of 1,5 weeks. Was glad to learn about it and cognitively reframe myself. Still had to live through the feeling that my chest was crushed and the veins in my arms were torn out via my armpits though. Luckily I have a vacation coming up and friends that are beyond joy that I’ll be visiting them again. Hope the feeling has resided by then.

Tip from person imagining accepting this idea. It must be specific. Vague praise just because you think we need it will feel condescending. I (we?) really hate that. The general "I know you can do it" does not make me feel good. But a gold star for good work is real, in fact a favorite early memory is a virtual gold star from my dad, on my forehead, pressed with his thumb till he knocked me over. 🥰