20 Tips for Navigating Life After a Late Autism Diagnosis

For all my life, I have said that I don't know what is wrong with me, but I have always known that I am not normal. My parents love me, but they don't know how to help me. I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder for over twenty years, but I really don't feel depressed most of the time. I have, however, always felt "defective", a burden to society, and broken. So that is most likely where the depression comes from. Knowing that I cannot change myself, my condition, the way I think, or how I navigate through life is so depressing and defeating, but knowing that I am most likely autistic has given me a reason to live (it's not the only reason, but I'll take as many as I can get). It's not that I want to be autistic. I just want the same thing my parents have always wanted for me: Answers. And I have begun to find them here in this community. I remember pouring my heart out to my grandmother a year before she died about how hopeless I felt, and how I saw myself and life in general. I can still see her bowing her head, slowly shaking it, and saying, "I don't know about you." Like she had given up on me, though the signs were always there. We just didn't know how to recognize them. What dreams and wishes she may have had for me, died, and she was mourning them. And I am okay with that, because we don't know what we don't know. We can't help not knowing something that we just don't know. 🤷‍♂ That is why I believe it is so crucial to properly educate society on autism. And that is why I am grateful to this community and will continue to support it.

Autism is a lifetime of epiphanies...

I received my diagnosis 5 days ago. I have told all my friends and most have been accepting. Most know that I have sensory issues, and I am different, so telling them I am autistic was not a shock. The majority of my friends are very clued in and educated already about asd. After my diagnosis, I was told that I might become more noticeably autistic by the outside world. That was just it - I was already noticed by the outside world. I am me, I am autistic! Thanks Orion, you help me to cope with neurotypical people 👍

Dying with laughter about finding autistic community! I figured out about a year ago that I'm autistic and I'm just waiting on my formal diagnosis. I decided that I needed to tell my adult kids about everything. The results were not quite what I expected. 3 out of 4 all said that they were! I have about 5 autistic grandchildren and 2 of my children have married partners who are autistic! This explains why I mostly only socialise with my family. I bred my own autistic community over the last 45 years!😅

After my grandson was diagnosed, all of my “quirks” and “ strong willed child “ labels all make sense! Wow! I’m 53 now. Wow! Life changing! I finally understand me!

When you're an AuDHD'er, routine is so hard to implement. Without it, you get deregulated and with it, you get so frustrated from not going after what your brain needs at that moment. It's an internal battle that never stops. I have learned to live without the routine but I don't think the world around me has. Either way, it's just so messed up and causing so much anxiety and depression.

I've been so lonely my entire life, even when I'm with my loved ones.

Your statement at 16:10 made me burst into tears. Last Friday was my last day at a job that I've had for over a decade - a job that I was good at, and one that brought me a lot of fulfillment. I have a lot of guilt over leaving, but "I can't put myself through this anymore" hits the nail on the head. My surprise - and relief - at knowing I am not the only one to experience this is tremendous. Between that and my discomfort with change (even good change), I have really been in distress the last few days. I only wish it were easier to explain to others. Thank you so much, Orion.

Great video! Thank you. I turn 60 next month and was diagnosed autistic a few weeks ago. Struggling with some family members and friends who don’t believe that I’m autistic - like it’s something we’d make up or actually want, when we all crave to just fit in with the crowd!!! They seem to think it’s an easy diagnosis to get, or that the system is over-diagnosing, or “everyone is a bit autistic”, etc, etc. Talk about being invalidated and gaslit!!! It’s not like you just go to the doctor and tell them you feel different and they hand out a diagnosis.

I resonate with what you are saying around 10:10 to 10:13. However as a thoroughgoing introvert, I must say it was a pleasant surprise to have people drop out of my life after diagnosis. The less peopley my life is, the better

Got my diagnosis last year and now I'm 40. I thought I'd be afraid to hear the truth but it more gave me solace that I finally could put a name to what's been going on up there in the ol' brain meats all my life. Understanding that now is helping me better deal with a lot of long-standing emotional trauma and abuse too. Even with that, I've never been more at peace with myself.

Excellent video Orion. I am 64 and have recently self-diagnosed myself. Even without the ‘official, medically sanctioned’ diagnosis, I found your 20 point video to be most helpful. I am certainly in need of community as it appears that my relationship of 10 years is falling away.

Thank you enormously Orion 🙏 the very first minutes of this video describe exactly what I've been feeling and facing the past weeks after a life of being called "different'' and or ''Weird''.. my autism was always hidden due to being a clever child, always top of the class and had a bunch of childhood mates😅'' my bunch of weirdos'', friends/ neighbors/ classmates 😂 all the way till middle school where life started to shift and my differentness popped up due to environment change.. fast forward to university days where I also had my people 😂 I always attract weirdos like me where the weirdness just fades and no one would point it out, being a female made it hard, I had friends and a life bestie, being very polite and analytical, trained myself to read others and sympathize with them... At 30 to identify as autistic is really life changing without any change😅 I mean it's like getting the subtitle to a movie with foreign language and only now I understand what it was🤭 My biggest challenge is indeed getting a job and keep it, I struggle with authority and socializing, neurotipical are hard yo deal with😅

Thank you for continuing to be here and advocate & educate for the community.

Thank you Orion. I'm recently aware of my autism, such a light bulb moment after 35 years of fatigue and supposed depression diagnosis. So many other traits suddenly explain who and how I am. I am lucky to have gravitated to a career as a land surveyor, AuDHD is my superability here. I had recently identified my social isolation as an issue, plus need for excercise, so joined a newly formed local social walking group this weekend. This really ticks boxes for me, the sensory inputs of the outdoors, walking in my own space, or in companiable peace, or chatting for a few minutes as my mood takes me. Now that I know my needs better, I can communicate them better and have made good steps to finding support. The grief for lost years is tough, but being able to be alive much more in the moment more than compensates. Taking more executive contol of my senses is powerful. I am hypersensitive and have spent most my life blocking inputs, only allowing senses to register a muffled 1. Trusting myself, relaxing and allowing the full 11 (Spinal Tap reference) is magical, be it barefoot on grass or music on headphones; just as long as I'm feeling in a safe space. Empathy, another previously suppressed superability, it allows such deep connection but is so tiring. I have found all friends and family really supportive (I mostly emailed saying "you know I've struggled with fatigue for years and always been a bit odd, turns out this is because I am autistic. This doesn't change who I am, as it is who I've always beeen, and it isn't something to offer sympathy for as i think it great" before explaining it in a bit more detail. It was actually a lot more detail, but I know to sleep on emails and edit down the next day.) My nearest family (wife and children) were nervous, yes it changed relationships, but in really positive ways; I'm thankful for their trust and patience. Anyone else with a late identification (diagnosed or not), Orion's tips here are so on the mark. The voyage ahead may seem daunting, but it will bring treasures to exceed your dreams. Be brave, be true to yourself, and you will become your best self to those around you who trully matter.

Thank you 🙏💝it is very informative. I am married to lovely soul almost for 25 years who happened to be noticed at very late age to be autist, by me. He was then more than 55.. We really had to go through some turbulent years after the official diagnosis. The both sides families approached to the diagnosis very superficially saying this many years he had lived without knowing so what the big deal was! Any way I would still marry him even if I knew it he was autist. Exercising and light antidepressants and meditation are really helpful. How to live with an autist needs to be studied too, not only protect the autist but the one who lives with him/her. Thanks again.

Hey Orion, I just want to tell you that your videos are not only very helpful for other autistic people, but also for those of us who have an autistic person in our lives that we want to relate to in an understanding and supportive way. Thank you!

I really felt the “sigh” after trying to explain your diagnosis to people 😅

Our minds are not simple. We have a million things on our list, but live in another fantastical world in our minds and go to amazing places, in more than one character. The things on our real world to do list never get done. Yes, our cognition is out the door on those. Lol. Also, our list skyrocketed, because we cannot say no, have no boundaries so everyone wants help or something. I literally feel like a transhuman.

I've just been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. It was such a relief but at the same time I also felt angry. The diagnosis has explained so much about my life and struggles. School and work have been such a battle for me and now I feel I've been left to figure this out on my own. Thank God for channels like yours, they are life savers! I have got by in life on my own but really I've always needed support especially in the work place. I'm 48 years old!😕