Male inequality, explained by an expert | Richard Reeves

I remember being homeless at 17, having finally been old enough to leave my abusive home but still working my job at the coffee house. No one knew I was homeless except the cops that harassed me, ticketing me over and over for sleeping in my car, eating up my paychecks with fines until I couldn't pay anymore, at which point they put you on probation and draw out even more fines. Zero criminal record, drug-free, holding down a job, and just trying to make ends meet... It didn't matter. I was trash to be chased down by the cops. There was no help for young men. Only women's shelters. Only women's assistance. Only women's free college, etc. Your pride and sense of masculinity keeps you waiting to ask for help until you're so hungry, you can feel it up your stomach and in your throat. Then you finally seek assistance and everyone looks at you in disgust because hey, you're a man in the patriarchy right? How dare you ask for help! Then you stew in your emotions, having traded what little bit of self-respect you have left for nothing more than a horrifying reinforcement of what you already feared; you're worthless not just to the people in your life but to society as a whole. It wasn't until my probation officer came to arrest me for not showing up and found me half dead in a hospital bed with blood clots and walking pneumonia from sleeping in my car that someone took pity on me and got me out of the never ending spiral of fines for just trying to live my life. Even then, that was only after the officer tried to drag me out of bed and caused a scene with the doctors and nurses. Again, I had zero criminal record (beyond tickets for being homeless), was drug-free, and was working full time. I wasn't a leech or a danger. I was a young man on his own trying to get by and that seemed to be unacceptable for whatever reason. Thank god I made it out. A lot of young men never do.

The number of male therapists decreasing while the number of men needing therapy increases is worrying to think about.

Very important topic and I love how it was addressed. Feminism is definitely changing how our society is structured, and as we make room for women in more traditionaly "manly" roles, so do we need to make room for men in more "feminine" roles. At the end of the day it's about abolishing this view that each gender must conform to one or the other, and rather supporting individuals to pursue what they want to pursue. This goes for career paths, but also, as women have started working and having their own aspirations and men have ceased to be the default "breadwinners", their role in society needs to shift to being more present husbands and fathers, more involved in the domestic life. The transition sure is shaky and does create a lot of tension and a "gender war" to some level unfortunately (especially online since that's where the most extreme people tend to make the most noise). I think a lot of men feel left out because they don't know how to adapt, they were not raised for it they raised into it that's very different. They need to be guided and supported in this transition just as women have been, and it starts with education and good masculine models to show them that being a good man encompasses more than being tough and strong and rich and that some "feminine" traits are also desirable to have (goes both ways). Anyway good jog, very informative video!

What is more frustrating is people even refusing to talk about this idea of male issues because "They are ahead"

We can foster a better model of masculinity without diminishing the undeniable gains of feminism. We all do better when we all do better.

It's refreshing to hear someone intelligent speak on male issues without discarding the inequality faced by women. I want an equal society for everyone.

I think another key point is this new culture coming up of “hating men”. I’ve witnessed so many women exclaim something along the lines of “men are the worst” etc without thinking much of it. This further perpetuates male feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness in efforts to become equals.

Well this video made me cry. It got me thinking back to high school and the one teacher that didn’t hate me, the only male teacher. He was the only one that was able to look past my difficult personality and really understand me. It was such a difficult time dealing with undiagnosed bi polar disorder. My parents were neglectful. I had nobody. 😭

“It’s often seen as ‘who’s side are you on,’ instead of being on the side of human flourishing” It’s so refreshing to see this issue given its own space to be discussed, instead of being weaponized as a bad faith rebuttal against women’s issues. Society need to talk about this, and we need to do it in solidarity with women and feminism, as opposed to in contrast to it

As a "younger" male person who graduated high school relatively recently, I can't tell you how much I appreciated my male teachers (shop teachers, and one english teacher). They taught me a lot about being a man by just acting as a role model around the classroom and showing how to properly deal with stressful situations and what not.

10 years ago, I knew the issue was there, but when I said something, i was instantly attacked and labeled a villain. It really is shitty.

I am a woman, and I care about Men’s treatment and well-being, just as I care about Women’s. I don’t understand why it has to be either or.

One major issue with men in teaching professions, particularly around young children is the stigma around it. As a man, you can't get too friendly around children or you risk being branded a pedophile. I've seen this with my mother. We had a very nice old guy who loved children who worked at the cross walk. One day he saw that my sister's backpack was all beaten up and falling apart so he offered to help get her a new one. My mom immediately assumed ill intentions and called the school to get him fired. Imagine if we replaced that nice old man with a nice old lady. My mother, and most other parents would be singing her priases about how she went above and beyond with a single act of kindness. It's sad really. Personally, I go out of my way to avoid children. I refuse to work in any job that puts me around children, because once you have that label on you, you're screwed. I reckon it's the same for other men as well.

I'm a male teacher, in middle school. At the start of my career I interviewed for 12-15 elementary school positions, and was rejected by every single one of them. I earnestly tried to teach elementary, but I just couldn't get in. I was just starting out, so one could argue that my inexperience cost me. But once I started interviewing for middle school positions, multiple schools promptly offered me a spot. I truly do believe my being male played a role in this.

Tried to say this a few years ago and was treated like a nut

I totally agree with you 100% and have personally felt and experienced most of what you are taking about. It's difficult to thrive in a society that says it doesnt need you and demonizes your very identity. But at the end of the day, all you really want is purpose and to feel needed.

Male preschool teacher here- I’m so thankful for the information and tact presented here. It’s a touchy subject because humans tend to choose “one side or the other” and thus miss out on important truths such as those gathered in research for this segment. I have that much more pride in doing what I do after watching- thank you

As a young black man I am glad to see this topic being discussed in this way. I lost my little brother to suicide about 5 years ago and one thing that was evident is that he felt strangled by the pressures of society at just 16. More discussions need to be had about what it means to be a man in this time. It is tough trying to be an upstanding man when the level of expectation is unrealistic and does not match the reality of roles and responsibilities being played out in society. It is also tough to prosper as a man when major industries that promote sedentary behavior (gaming and television) and illegal drugs are exploiting media outlets to numb men into a malaise. I don’t have the answers, but the fact that this dialogue is beginning is a good sign.

I love that this isn’t making it a competition about who suffers the most and it genuinely explains the problems, men are very much needed and should be made to feel so.

It's embarrassing how little we consider mens issues, but like Richard Reeves mentioned, this is a brand new problem in our society. The Me Too movement was groundbreaking, even though it wasn't even a decade ago. Now we've started conversations around the struggles of men and boys. We need to continue to educate ourselves to have better role models for the next generation. Thank you for shining a light on this issue.