4 Habits We Learn as Emotionally Neglected Children

1. People pleasing 2. Pushing through (ignoring our own needs) 3. Overthinking everything 4. Trying to control everything

I learnt to be quiet. Please others so I could feel safe.

social anxiety...no identity....feeling you don't fit anywhere

I was well fed. Lived in a nice house and was well dressed. I was not wanted( my Gran told me) My father lived abroad for the first 7 years of my life and then worked away from home to get away from my mother. I was an only child. I realise now what a strong person I became at an early age I trusted no one.I relied on my gut feelings. I was lucky to marry young and should have disowned my parents. My biggest mistake was constantly trying to prove I was a nice successful person to my mother who hated me all her life. Never held me and ran me down to her siblings and anyone else who would listen to her about her horrible daughter. Her hatred intensified in Dementia.

Oh wow, l started crying and can’t stop. It’s v hard to admit you feel no purpose or value in life but to please others. It’s left me in black hole of feeling nothingless.

All of them, plus overachiever with imposter syndrome, dissociation and partly amnesia about childhood events for ages. Never asked for anything, learned to have only minimum, overworked, highly sensitive to others, emotionally unavailable controlling double-faced mother addicted to meds, ignorant workaholic father (drunken he raged and gone mad and violent), bully sister. Youngest in the class, the best student, career, took their ignorance, blaming, shaming, lies. It's not even people-pleasing, i became their donor of energy and emotional garbage bin. Burnout at 27, health struggles and then I changed lifestyle. Now I'm 42 and learning to love myself. Plus overexplaining myself as trauma response. Lol. Thank you, your conferences helped me so much! Just want yo share that it's never too late and we can pause, have rest, seek help. But this pushing through piece really triggered me. I'm not native English speaker and the way between taught never give up had a long path of trouble, struggle and mistakes. Sometimes we need surrender and letting go so much ❤

As a woman with high sensitivity growing up in an alcoholic home, I learned all 4 habits. In my 70s I am finally learning how to meet my core needs myself... but it is a lot of work. Now doing your RESET program.

Oh my God!!! It’s me! The 3 needs which were neglected + the habits I have learned to have! And you are totally right: none of them help! They just help to ruin one’s self esteem! Thank you soooooooo much for the helpful infos about the healing. 🙏🏻🌹

Yeah all 4 for me, just came across the "pushing through" dynamic this week in therapy. Lot of conflicting emotions and blockages / stock energy.

All of them plus over achiever perfectionist who never felt good enough. Blended into the background to not be a target.

Looking back I was definitely a people pleaser. I was the youngest of seven children to quite elderly parents. My parents always referred to me as ‘the baby’ which left me feeling I was more special to them. I felt my roll was to make them happy and not disappoint them in any way. There was very little money and I was a shy child who had major anxiety about our living conditions. I was really miserable but kept all my feelings to myself. I’ve suffered with low self esteem most of my life and I believe it was down to my childhood. .

I was a people pleaser and pushed through. I also learned to stay under the radar to feel safe, to not shine.

Well Thank you Very much A few weeks ago I suddenly realised that I had and still have emotional neglect since early childhood.. And now I'm working thru.. Thank you About " habits ", unhealthy habits - yeah, all 4 are present though part of them are in remission. Like people pleasing or controlling... Thinking thru and pushing thru in some level are still present... But it isn't some wonder.. I'm 64 years old and that is the first time when I have time, but not strength to do such work... Before it I just had to function as well as I could despite all odds

Omgoodness! I resonate with all 4, but especially the pushing through and overthinking. Honestly refreshing to hear something that I have not heard before. Very insightful. Thank you!!

Oddly I became by father and my mothers emotional caretaker due to my mother’s handicap and my dad feeling overwhelmed. The burden was great and my father is still guilting us for not living near them but it’s not intentional but because of my husband’s occupation. I also became a silent people pleaser. My emotions weren’t acknowledged or valid as a child. I know my mother loved me but was mentally and physically handicapped so she couldn’t communicate in the way that I needed and my father was so absorbed in his own world and angry/depressed all the time.

Yep, I learnt 1-4. Thanks Alex for your help on my healing journey

I became a people pleaser and very self-sufficient.

Just now I was talking with my mother after dinner, told her 👇👇 """See I am not having any resentment or anything inside key I should throw anger on you to say *THAT YOU DESTORYED MY LIFE*... nothing bad has happened to me, it was just a loss of my own identity & confidence, which I need to do it again. And you don't need to get worried or headache if I don't know anything, my adult guardianship is there to take care of me & understand which level person I am I don't have any complain, blam or grudges towards my trauma, I just don't know how to deal & solve it, that all I will do with my adult guardianship, as he tell me👉👉 """YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE IN YOUR HEALING JOURNEY, I AM THERE WITH YOU""""

Deny emotions, push through, control, never feel safe

I learned to become invisible