I Walked Away From My Girlfriend and Child | Am I The A**hole | (Episode 34)

Dude in the hat made excellent points. It's a tough situation but he made a commitment to that kid as well as her mom. I'll never rock with a kid being the casualty in a situation between adults.

3:45 This logic is wrong. It’s the mother’s responsibility to explain to the child what she did and why her boyfriend left them both. He shouldn’t explain anything to the child, it’s up to the mother to determine if she wants the child to know she cheated or not. The real father and mother took the ultimate responsibility at conception. He is not responsible for this child. His participation is voluntary. The step father’s only responsibility was to say goodbye. It was not his place to provide any detail.

Need to also take into account that the mother/ex could use this in a way to use the daughter to keep the man at arms length. And also could use the child almost like a weapon. “You can only be around this child under these circumstances.” Or all the sudden just keep the child from this man. I have 4 step children. Who I’ve known for nearly a decade. We separated a few years ago and are getting divorced. I wish I could’ve changed the way they knew I was gone. Because I didn’t have the option of an explanation in the end. But I believe their bio mom had a chance to explain. The oldest daughter is old enough where we talk all the time and are really close. The younger daughter it broke my heart. Because she thought she was moving back into my house then next thing you know dad shows up to her volleyball game with new girlfriend. I didn’t know this or have much of a chance to explain. The youngest ones I wish I had the conversation to say I will always love you. And explain that it’s not their fault. Sometimes people are no longer together. But life will still be full of love and happiness. So taking into consideration that the other person has all the control no matter what. The mom could also use the, him coming over to talk to the child. And turn it into being about their relationship and take him away from the conversation. Or use “he’s leaving us.” To make the child feel bad and to keep him around. But it’s also hard to deal with the emotions of figuring out how to deal with the emotions for everyone. I mean it’s good of him that he stepped up. But it’s also on him to see if he can have a conversation with the child and ease out of it. If mother allows. Granted keeping a relationship, mom would probably lose it if dad gets a gf. You know mom’s eventually going to have a bf, he’s going to eventually have a gf. Things aren’t rainbows and sunshine’s and don’t always work out in a perfect world. So you know at this age eventually you aren’t going to be in the picture. So better to work on removing yourself with the child now. Before it drags on and gets messy. Because sooner or later it’s going to end so better to work on it now before the leaving gets worse down the line.

It’s the woman’s responsibility to explain why he walked away not his.

That's not his kid, and that kid's mother and BIOLOGICAL father is the reason she doesn't have a dad anyway. He doesn't owe either of them anything. Kid's mom is the ONLY one responsible for that kid "not being messed up."

She should have thought of that before doing what she did

I agree with the one dude. Im not on the womans side. Hate cheating but he was in the childs life for 6 years out of 8. Thats a separate relationship to deal with. He took on the role of dad. She recognizes him as such. Its trauma to ghost the kid. It is realistic because if they had married and divorced it would be the same thing. He has no legal responsibilities but youd still hopefully have emotions towards the child. There are examples of people who stayed in their step kids lives after the relationship ended. Bro people shouldnt date or marry any step parent who truly doesnt think that child will ever be their child because of biology. Its wild to think because you dont share dna, you arent a real parent. Yall be crapping on step and adopted parents.

I completely agree he should have dealt with it differently. It was his responsibility (That he took on when he decided to become a part of the child’s life.) to at least explain to the child who is now eight years old. +I genuinely believe age plays a role. If the kid was still max three he could’ve just left. And have the mother explain that later on to her child. But this child is at a age where they understand something is changing. Granted, there is more responsibility falling on the mother regardless. But he could have been considerate enough towards the kids feelings. If it weighs on him this heavy I think he knows he’s a asshole just wants someone to convince him out of that and that in itself says hey something I did is wrong lol.

Loved the ep 10/10 just wanted to say if they were MARRIED then yeah dude in the hat (shout out Warsame!) is right but… THEY WERE DATINGGGGGG DONT GO OUT LIKE A CUCK FAM, SHIT HAPPENS! Having a father figure is great but it’s not a right, and her deciding to cheat is proof of that! + him not taking responsibility is good for him because MARRIAGE IS A COMMITMENT NOT DATINGGGGGGGGGG

tbh, this man did the right thing to leave. He can only ever be in the kids life if the mom wanted him to be there, so there's only a small tiny link between him and that child. If he wanta to be there for the kid and the mum says no you can't just show up and if she says yes then go ahead but being too attached is not gonna help anyone.

I’d wonder if he was the one that cheated. Would the mom have let him maintain a relationship with the child? I wonder if it’s really about the kids or if she is just using it as a way to have access to him.

5:40 on the one hand he says don't be in that relationship but step up for the child" - alright get that, but let's say you cheat on the girl and the mother doesn't doesn't want to be with you anymore, do you still have the right to see the kid, since you invested so much time and money and the child likes you? Because you can't force responsibility with any authority. If the basis is that I was a father figure I should have the right to see the kid regardless how her mother and I separated.

Please learn to read properly. It’s not easy but necessary practice to do this. Good luck. I’m a single parent of 2 children, that’s the reason why I don’t let them attach to all men I dated. It’s hard for him (1st story) to let it go but he has to. There’s no future together in the picture unless had already adopted her.

Op is still calling the child his “daughter” and saying he LOVES her. A mere few months away from adopting her. He can coparent. Are y’all other 2 from 2 parent families? Bc coparenting is essential for the mental health of this child. Regardless of who the mother is dating. Most of family dynamics are blended nowadays- I find it odd that you find it “unrealistic”. Where do you live? What’s your culture?

I stopped around 18 minute mark. The first guy (with the hat) is on a different level from the other 2. The first guy speaking about the man staying in the childs' life was able to look past the ended romantic relationship between the man and woman and think about the child. The other two men could not see that far. They kept saying the man should leave the relationship and the first guy agreed. He kept repeating himself! The man should look at the relationship he has to the child - not the woman. Eventually the man will have to compassionately drill in the lesson to the child that he is not her father. You don't drop out of the childs' life instantly; that creates more issues for the child. You either gradually drop out slowly or stay in the childs' life - as a father-figure. The other two men kept speaking on the man and the woman failed relationship. Also NO, neither man or woman should tell the child WHY the man is no longer there. Just tell the child they are no longer in a relationship and leave the reason out.

Aren't single mothers saying "me and my kid are a package deal"?

He was no better than the "bio" dad...