Unexpected Reaction to My Autism Diagnosis

Please please please don't let others determine what you share on YOUR channel. You do you girl.

I get exactly that when someone shows me kindness or concern. I think it must be buried trauma.

I am not diagnosed by a professional but I am positive that I am autistic. My 17 year old son is diagnosed and we are very, very similar. I just mask more and better. I think that it might be emotional when someone asks about your diagnosis because you feel grief and sadness for the person that you were pre diagnosis who was struggling so much but didn’t know why. I know that when I think back to how I was as a kid I feel incredibly sad for that little girl that was weird, hyperlexic, socially awkward, a loner, incredibly artistic, an old soul, clueless, an insomniac, mathematically impaired, masking….because nobody noticed. When someone DID notice it was not to accommodate or give any help to. It was to make fun of her for saying that things were hard. They WERE hard. Everything was hard. Everything still is hard. So..that’s what I think that it is. Grief and sadness for the person that you were when that other person was in your life. They only know that version of you and that version was struggling and didn’t know why.

Dx'd 4 years ago, in my 50's. Currently going through what I can only describe as a grief-like reaction - huge, unexpected waves of emotion, interspersed with being able to speak about it in a calm, relatively detached manner. Suppose I just have to ride it till it's done. Have a good week!

As a older man, I often wonder what my life would be if things were different. Now in the fourth quarter of life, the struggles stress and anxiety wear me down quickly.

You're doing just fine, Claire! Being vulnerable and emotional doesn't mean you're broken, it just means you're human. Stay strong!

"The tears come, and I have to hold them back..." 😭 Same! Oddly (or not) they still come when my Mom or siblings bring it up. I was late diagnosed just over a year ago. My therapist says I'm grieving, and all I can think is that I'm doing it wrong: that I'm not grieving right. Thank you for sharing! Seeing you also struggle (...?) makes me realize that I'm not alone in this! Thank you for being vulnerable and real. Seriously! I hate feeling lonely when I'm not alone. 😢 Like when I'm with people but feel like they don't understand.

You're doing better than me; I have stopped telling people about my diagnosis, but when I do talk about it with people who already know, I also get overwhelmed and cry. I was also late diagnosed, just shy of 51. By the way, it's nice to meet someone else whose special interest is crocheting.

The crow noise is lovely! I LOVE BIRDS!🦆🦅🕊️

I think for me, it's like my brain is a massive database and when someone mentions my diagnosis, that index entry just links to every thought that I had over the last 59 years pre diagnosis and it's overwhelming to find which things to talk about because they are all relevant in some way. (can you tell my special interest is computing/IT 🙂

I definitely get emotional thinking about my life pre-diagnosis. Random memories come to mind and it's hard. Either just realizing why I did certain things, wondering why people didnt see it when I was a kid, what could have been different, etc

I understand. I'd cry too if people believed me. I don't think most of them do. So im crying for a different reason.

It's a lot to process. For two years I self identified as autistic and learned so much about my life and it feels crazy sometimes. I finally got officially diagnosed in March. It's a lot because we're living our lives with a hidden disability and it's a serious matter.

When I start crying it’s usually a meltdown because I’m overwhelmed.

I broke down in tears immediately on receiving the diagnosis. I'm usually pretty stoic but couldn't hold it back---but I was also totally fried from the multiple-hour assessment process.

Thank you fore being open and vulnerable. Those are the episodes that are easiest to relate to!🙂. Instead of crying, I feel that I have to "defend" myself and having a har time finding the right words, and some times I feel that I am over exaggerating (even thou I don't), even if the people are open and mean it well. Anyone else here have the same experience?🤔.

I totally get the well up in tears when I talk about how I am feeling with my therapist and husband. I have not put my finger on it as well. 💕

💖 Thanks so much for another porch coffee. The porch vibe reminds me of my home town. Being quite late diagnosed (18 mths ago), I still haven't told many people. With friends from school I have only managed to tell a few, one person at a time. Dealing with the emotions and reactions leaves me a bit dis-regulated and exhausted for a couple of weeks. It's impossible not to think about the two perspectives of life. One I experienced, and one I am interpreting as if I am reading a book about someone else. However, it was my life. I loved creative writing at school, but I ended up in science. Often during my life I would think up plots for fiction novels. In particular, at one point in my 30's when I was struggling with friendships, work, and as a mother, I felt as if most other people "got" what life and relationships were about. So, I considered a plot for a book where most other people had a secret way of communicating, so they understood each other, but there were other people like the main character (like me I guess), who did not have that attribute. Like muggles, I suppose. It's like my brain was trying to work out what on earth was going on with my social interactions. I'm sad I didn't know, for my friends, and for me. It really is a weird experience, that's for sure. I have loved all the videos this past week, from all the community. Omg, I just remembered the ukulele 😊 I have a back catalogue to watch!! What a joy!! I couldn't keep up. Hope everyone has an awesome week!! I love these coffees ✨ These videos are my absolute favourites. From my perspective it really is like chatting with a friend on a porch. Sending you lots of positive wishes, and thanks for sharing. ✨

I can relate to what you said, Claire. When I moved back to PA in 2021 (I moved away when I was going into 6th grade) I had a flood of emotions. My son had a great first week at school last week! I'm so relieved and grateful he's finally somewhere where he's safe and happy! Have a great week, Claire and friends! 💞

You are still processing what it means. I have a time in my life when I would cry every time it came up. I am just starting to be able to talk about it now after years. It is okay to cry.