Master the ART OF NEGOTIATION and WIN Any Exchange | Chris Voss
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Publicado 2022-03-01
“Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.” - Chris Voss
Whether we know it or not, much of our success in business and in life depends on our ability to negotiate effectively. From buying a house or car to negotiating your salary to coming to an agreement with your partner - negotiation is a game-changing skill that everyone should master.
In today’s episode of Impact Theory, master negotiator Chris Voss shares some of the most important takeaways he’s learned over the years, both as a 24-year veteran of the FBI, and as the founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group - a world-class negotiation consulting firm.
Chris has been on the front lines of some of the most high-stakes hostage negotiations of the last 20 years, and the depth of his knowledge of human psychology is apparent throughout the whole conversation.
To learn more about the art of effective negotiation, I highly encourage you to read Chris’ bestselling book, Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It. amzn.to/356ckub
You can also find tons of free resources on how to reach your full potential as a negotiator at www.blackswanltd.com/
SHOW NOTES:
00:00 | Introduction
01:04 | When Lives Are On The Line
04:33 | The Dos Palmas Kidnappings
10:50 | Teaching Your Kids Resilience
18:36 | Dos Palmas, Continued
29:20 | The Best Hostage Negotiation Tactic
37:24 | The Biggest Driver of Human Decision-Making
45:04 | Chris’ Views On Human Nature
1:04:15 | What Makes Someone a Good Negotiator?
1:12:18 | Applying Negotiation Tactics To Everyday Life
1:26:00 | Anger, Emotional Control, And Flow States
1:33:12 | The Power Of Open-Ended Questions
1:44:27 | Black Swan Negotiation Strategies
QUOTES:
“When you're in the battle, you can't bail. People are looking at you to lead. There are people's lives that are still on the line.” [09:29]
“Negotiation is not what it is to you. It's what it is to the other side.” [25:13]
“Ultimately, people make up their mind principally on what they perceive the loss to be. And that's human nature - doesn't matter the scenario” [26:01]
“One of the crazy things that I learned a long time after the fact is, terrorists got moms. I mean, you'd be shocked at the emotional vulnerability across the board, to the power of a well crafted message from a mom.” [30:49]
“Loss is… the biggest impact on decision making of human beings across the board.” [38:05]
“You know, everybody's gonna do stuff where they failed themselves, where they were fragile, they made a bad decision. They were heartless, either intentionally or accidentally, like, how do you pick it up after that?” [58:59]
“How every negotiation should go: script out your first two or three lines, and then you're into an ad lib from that point on. You’ve got to prepare - it's a dance, let the other person lead. And they'll take you where you want to go.” [1:13:14]
“You cannot get to your peak performance in a negative state of mind. And anger is a negative state of mind.” [1:29:02]
“The more you encourage the other side to talk, the more likely it is that you're going to get to this moment of collaboration quicker. Never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn't take something better. How do you get something better? You get the other side to talk. You spend a lot less time talking, and appreciate that they're bringing something to the table that you could use.” [1:46:52]
Follow Chris Voss:
Website: bit.ly/3LUTlU3
Twitter: bit.ly/3t4WTud
Facebook: bit.ly/3Hbawx7
Instagram: bit.ly/3hfKqye
Order Never Split the Difference: amzn.to/356ckub
Todos los comentarios (21)
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What is your most useful tip you can share that helps you get the upper hand when negotiating?
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[0:00:23] Introduction [0:01:12] Chris’s book: never split the difference [0:02:07] Training from FBI [0:04:22] Best chance of success when there is a hostage situations [0:06:45] The first case where somebody got killed [0:07:05] The Black Swan Method: universal priceless in negotiation [0:07:56] Sponsor-break [0:08:06] When the first body came out [0:09:32] When you are in the battle, you can not bail [0:10:16] Character or learned traits? [0:11:00] Teaching son on what it means to be a family: storytime [0:12:25] Not getting a ride to work: learn to depend on yourself [0:14:28] Everything is and can be learned [0:15:37] Leading by example is not enough [0:16:01] You have to find a mentor to sharpen your skills better [0:17:05] POST-TRAUMATIC-STRESS-GROWTH [0:19:06] Back to the Philippines story [0:21:51] Worst moment in his career and personal life [0:22:58] Why did you volunteer? [0:24:36] The power of words [0:25:18] Negotiation is what it is to the other side [0:25:29] No such thing is logical. Only what matters to you [0:26:05] People make up their minds on what they perceive the loss to be [0:27:36] Hostage negotiator real job [0:29:26] The process to success in such situations [0:30:56] Terrorists have moms - the emotions they have are essential to the success in negotiating with them [0:37:16] Common humanity threads in all of us [0:37:44] The sense of loss [0:41:31] Anatomy of terrorist groups [0:45:08] What do these situations reveal about humanity? [0:46:02] Optimism and relief [0:47:47] Predatory-wolf [0:48:58] Contained and uncontained cases [0:51:26] What are humans like [0:53:10] Sponsor-break [0:54:23] The dark impulses in human beings and the gulag archipelago book by Solzhenitsyn ------------------- For the full timestamps note and more visit https://learning-gems.ghost.io/art-necessity-of-negotiating/ 💎
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Chris Voss is beyond awesome. Because of his techniques I have interviewed over 60 plus world experts including Chris himself. He’s Tony Stark of negotiation 😊
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Chris is one of the most fascinating people on the planet. Love how genuine he is and his human psychology insights!
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What’s strange is that I use these tactics. I’ve helped a couple dudes in Seattle get out of a fight, well they weren’t going to be doing any of the fighting lol. I came in and changed reference by praying on the predatory types ego. I was like “this is the guy you choose to fight tonight 🙄. We know these dudes ain’t built like that” they instantly laughed with me. I was able to do that because i have similar background, but i don’t start fights, but more about finishing them harshly. I changed that by keeping my confidence and channeling that energy with positivity. I also do the “how’s your day going.” The random act of kindness, the shock factor, the non bothersome, and the genuine care really takes the situation somewhere different. I call it MOMENTUM, and it’s part of my personal trainer/lifec coach model. I think I developed it from being a salesman and SERE school when I was in the navy. But yea, great episode on communication.
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Building wealth involves developing good habits like regularly putting money away in intervals for solid investments. The stock market has plenty of opportunities to earn which I myself took advantage of. I made my first million from going diverse, mainly ETFs(stocks, bonds etc), bitcoin, and gold. Investing in any of these should be in everyones mind.
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'Never Split the Difference', a great book thanks for bringing Chris in. I still have the black shoe & brown shoe analogy in my head. Great Interview, what great personality. Thank you
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‘remember who you are’ Big up to Mufasa
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Tom I have been a student of Chris Voss’ using his techniques in my real estate brokerage. You did a fantastic job on this interview bringing out the emotional & personal side of Chris! Thank you Tom
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Glad to witness the connection that you both had and the flow of the conversation, thanks to both of you,
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Chris Voss is amazing. Everytime I listen to his interviews I learn something new about psychology. His book Never Split the Difference is the best book I have read.
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Tom you are correct they really work. I did deploy the tactics I bought the book in 2017 I applied it I kicked ass in business and my real estate negotiations and restrictions with my husband and my kids it really does work
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I personally hate it so much when the guest is talking and Tom's excitement makes him interrupt them but not once, not twice but not three times but not four times... Still an excellent man and that's why I watch his channel. Thank you Tom
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This guy's book helped me smash through 6 figures in my sales job, and even get to multiple 6 figs where my company is asking how in sustaining such continual results! Deeply Grateful for this guy!
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I find Chris Voss as a Man of: High Quality, who’s a forever loving experienced father, and, who deserves to enjoy his day job. I wish him to have all the friends who live to care for Chris, in gratitude, and brotherhood, nd just simply by being your are own-self , to support Chris or his family and whomever else Chris needs or wants to walk with him, as he faces his struggles, OR to be with him Form there for all celebrations, as they arise , and be always present, attentive persons - moved to do so by your love for this one special man. Pay this man ATTENTION & Love & Tenderness, forever. 💕 ♥️ 💜 🥰 🥰 🥰 💜 ☀️ ⭐️ 🌙 💫 ♾ 🌏 BLESSINGS & GRATITUDE!!
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Since I read his book, I heavily use labeling on social media, which makes your statement perceived less offensive/personal/passive aggressive. And allows space for clarifying reactions instead of counters. 1. Write your destructive "punch"-line if it makes you feel better. 2. Rephrase your blurt into soft generalized labeling/perception, bevor sending. 3. And just let the other guy feel stupid if it turns itself out to be the way you describe it. Triggered some apologies as well in certain cases. And with the current situation with Putin, >it seems like< the "art of negotiation" reaches its limits as well.
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I am the complete opposite. I have no issue with confrontation. I am always focused on the result, even beyond myself. The idea of self goes out the window, and I only want to win. The issue though, if I am forgetting about myself, I'm not thinking of others necessarily, and it doesn't occur to me that others can decompartmentalize and deal with confrontation, because I don't work that way. My goal with reading Chris's book, is learning how to pull back, think about the position of others, and break down wall of confrontation by being more positive and by effect draw the other person in. Not easy to do, since that isn't my personality.
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Great Guest!! Thanks and Bravo Tom!
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Great discussion. Some parallels with Frankl's Man'a Search For Meaning, as the questions delve into What are humans like. Then I shifted to thinking, how do we hold ourselves hostage and how do thoughts of my mother trigger change in thinking. Yes, also the Jordan Peterson awareness of who we are and what we are capable of, and what could shift our frame of reference. That 'gimmick' of yours Tom, is so powerful.
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Really grateful to hear Chris’ perspective on parenting. A lot of my friends who are parents, take a very soft approach when it comes to directing and guiding their children. I on the other hand, parent similar to Chris. It’s validating to hear his principles when it comes to such a massive responsibility. Thanks for this conversation🙏🏼
