An Abusive Partner versus a Loving Partner

Id love to find another partner but it's hard to trust again. Staying longer in a relationship that you know your partner is not invested in it sucks all the life from you.

I can’t even imagine the loving emotionally healthy relationship you describe. Can’t even imagine

The minute someone makes a joke at my expense, I cut them off from my life. I was in an abusive marriage, and I looked back to see what the very first read flag was, and he used to make insulting little jokes and about me and then laugh it off as a "just a joke". I realized in retrospect that was the tip of the iceberg who someone who does not respect others, and abuses them for the pleasure. After our marriage, he kept saying those things but he was no longer "joking". And it was downhill from there.

i went on a couple of dates with a woman recently. i was on the phone with her tonight asking why she suddenly cancelled our third date, and she began to become verbally abusive towards me about a complete non-issue. i told her i dont use social media and she said "but my phone said you have a snapchat." i repeatedly told her i dont use social media, and she would not listen to me, but kept saying over and over that her phone said i have snapchat, i just admitted to having a snapchat, etcetera. i got frustrated and just said i have to go and hung up. she tried to apologize and ask when my next day off was but her constantly interrupting me and not listening was too much. i wont tolerate that behaviour and i wont accept it as a "shit test" or whatever the internet tries to gaslight me about it. only people who treat me with respect are allowed in my life.

Easier said than done! Very few men like this out there

I spent nearly 40 years with a husband that gaslighted me. I’m 70 now and I have nowhere to go. He is so indifferent to me and it hurts terribly. My own family takes his side and now I feel terribly resentful towards them that I avoid them but my husband doesn’t. They include him but don’t care much for me. It’s taken a toll on my health and I don’t feel self confident. I’m just lucky when I’m not depressed.

Thank you for sharing that it took you 10 years to get out but that you did. I have been divorced for six years, fully single for six years, trying to leave and unable to yet. Being disabled makes it harder, and I have had some issues with others intentionally taking opportunities out from under me that I needed to have the means to leave. I am struggling with hopelessness because I have been trying to leave for so long and not successful yet. Add in being pressured to see things from his perspective, when that is literally all that has ever happened and it is my perspective that has not been allowed to be seen, heard, focused on, discussed, or validated, and my self esteem is pretty heavily eroded. There are other factors, like being expected to cope with conditions beyond the limits of my disabled capacity for 15 years now (and that I repeatedly communicated I am unable to cope with by myself) and being told as soon as I can make up the paycut he would have to take to do things differently he would make the changes needed to reduce the labor load on me. I needed hope that I can make it, which I did not have much left of until hearing it took you 10 years but you did eventually find a way and also found someone new.

The difference between going stupid over broad shoulders and choosing wisely.

I hear ya but unfortunately the majority of the time when you leave one dead end, meaningless relationship, sure as hell your next choice is comparable to what you left. Those "getting to know you" time periods are mostly camouflage where you are being sold on the superficial while the true personality lurks hidden until its snare time.

Most if my life I've been in emotionally (and some physical) abusive relationships and I'm now 61 years old. I have been single for almost 10 years and find it very peaceful and safe. However, part of me would like to at least find a companion, but I struggle with anxiety about this only; I don’t feel anxiety like this in any other part of my life. I greatly wish I knew the way to get rid of this anxiety which also has caused me to sabotage potential relationships.

Thank you. ✨️

Consider u blessed to get someone genuine after a toxic relation..coz mostly all people cannot trust again

It seems abusive to me for all the blame to be put on one person. No one is perfect.

❤

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