Miscellaneous Myths: Ares' Abduction

Zeus: I love all my children! Athena, Artemis, Hercules... (glances at smudged palm) Arse!

“So if Aphrodite asks, can we say I rescued you?” Thats-That’s actually really adorable

Zeus: I love all my children equally. Apollo: Sure. By the way, we were attacked while you were gone. Zeus: IS ATHENA OKAY?

I just realized what a fun trio Ares, Hermes, and Artemis make, it’s the overreacting bulky warrior, the sly and witty trickster, and the no-nonsense tough and versatile huntress, and I kinda want to see more interactions between characters like that

Ares: I’m the worst treated member of this family Hephaestus: * quietly sips Ambrosia in the corner because everyone forgot his birthday *

Here is a fun fact about Ares : not a single myth mentions him raping woman unlike his father and other gods. That is an unfortunate part of wars but Ares himself never did it. Ares being respectful to woman makes sense if you remember how he was a big deal in Sparta, and Spartans treated their woman better from other Greeks.

You've gotta give Ares credit for having the lung capacity to scream bloody murder for a year without stopping.

Ares: My father will rescue me! meanwhile Zeus: I feel like I'm forgetting something....ah, I'm sure it's not important

Hermes: "Alright, so does everyone understand the plan." Artemis: "Yes. No problems except one problem. How does one flirt?" Hermes: ARE YOU-?! sigh Just do what Aphrodite does." Artemis: "Ooooooooh. Gotcha." makes two people spear each other to death; looks at Hermes, smiles, and gives a thumbs up

"You can't have a war without the ugly parts." YOU CAN'T HAVE A W A R WITHOUT W A R

Zeus: They're trying to reach heaven by building a tower! Yahweh: Have you tried changing their languages?

Ares: gets kidnapped Literally every other Olympian: "Oh no! Anyway-"

Artemis trying to flirt like "uh, hello boys, do you wanna uhhhh *frantically checks smudged palm* slap cheeks? That can't be right "

My personal theory is Ares gets the guff constantly because Athenians were the ones writing all this stuff down. They had huge incentive to paint their Patron Goddess Athena as Zeus's golden child. Meanwhile, the Spartans didn't write stuff down so who knows what their take on Ares actually was like!

Zeus: so let me get this straight ares while YOU were captured while hermes and Artemis were trying to save you they got captured and you hear used all your strength to break out and killed them with there own spears? Ares: yeah dad I saved them while they were trying to save me! Zeus: is this true Artemis, hermes Artemis: yeah dad ares saved us Hermes: yep ares was very heroic Zeus: well good job ares I’m proud of you! Ares: gasps happily and hugs Artemis and hermes Ares: (whispered) thanks for saving me you guys Artemis: no problem big guy Hermes: what are siblings for

I feel like it’s more Ares brings the common man’s war. Brutal, possible death, seeing your comrades get gored by swords and lances. Athena is the politician/rich man’s war. Strategy, glorious, fought from afar. So it seems like Ares is mostly put down because he’s the real version of war, while Athena is the idealized version of war, so she’s glorified. Probably sounds super Marxist but that’s how it seems.

Everybody pitying Ares but is no one gonna talk about how rough Hephaestus has it? He was literally shunned by his parents, his wife cheats on him, and even though he's really talented no one likes him because of his appearance, something he can't control.

I feel like the Olypians are a D&D party, and Ares is the Barbarian who just wants to RAGE every time something happens.

Posit: Athena as a goddess of generals and tacticians, with Ares representing combat and the common foot soldier. Athena cares about victory and sends men to die when necessary, but Ares is the one in the thick of it, with those men when they die. That's kind of a more morally grey take on Athena, but she usually gets the brighter characterization, so I thought it only fair to Ares.

Ares is a pretty nice guy. He's one of the only male Olympian gods that decisively doesn't approve of rape. There are no myths where Ares rapes anyone, he literally killed one of posideon's sons because he attempted to rape his daughter, and he is the EXTREMELY protective father of the Amazons a race of warrior women. His whole thing is to be the god of war, he's literally meant to be an instigator by nature of his job. Like, why the hell are y'all acting like it's personally his decision to start shit up. Edit: for the love of GOD stop commenting with "um actuallys..." I DON'T CARE Edit 2: THE WORD IS HONORABLE, that's what I was trying to say!