Session 12 | Katie | In Therapy with Alex Howard

Keep going Katie. You don’t have to be glamorous or sexy to be loved and adored. It’s a difficult journey but you’ve already come a long way. I’m rooting for you xxxx

The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship in our life and often the most difficult.

Well, I bought a small farm at the age of 59. 13 years later, I am still here and loving it, with my partner of 8 years, and my horses, dogs, chickens, and goats, and a big garden. Lots and LOTS of work, but at 72 I don’t want to live anywhere else. I have had quite a journey these past years, with sadness, particularly around the passing of much-loved animals, but also a tremendous amount of peace and feeling deeply grounded in nature. Neither my partner nor I are movie stars!

I am an art therapist. I saw all chapters, thank you! I believe that our deepest yearning is to be loved as we are. "The experience of Permission is as important as the air we breathe, and the granting of Permission is a vital act in relationships, parenting, education, and therapy." Nona Orbach, The Book of Permission

Katie I absolutely adore you 🙂 I truly see how hard it is for you to reflect on your insecurities yet I see a mighty women emerging. I hope more & more you see what others see in you and that you come more & more from a centred strong place inside of you. I see such an intelligent, interesting, sassy, strong & beautiful lady. I hope you don’t mind me saying all this. Perhaps it’s because I have spent my whole life feeling lesser or insecure. I have had therapy to also address these issues. I am 51. Sending you love, courage, strength & stillness in your life & heart. Wishing you well on this journey with Alex & beyond. May you step gently & lovingly into YOU and enjoy coming home & all that this brings. With love and thanks to you & Alex. Xxx P.s women to women, you really do have beautiful glamorous blue eyes 😘

I really want to thank Alex and the OHC team for putting out these videos. I find them very helpful. I also want to acknowledge Katie for being brave enough to open up in such a vulnerable way. I found it very helpful to hear Katie's story and follow her journey. I could relate to many things she was going through as I have similar situations in my life. I am also the same age as her. I just want her to know how much I appreciate her sharing her life issues and I look forward to the next video to see how she is doing.

Middle age is sooo tough. Toughest age of my life. Since all of a sudden, you cannot ignore the patterns of your mistakes in life and you see there is something about you who generate all these similar issues. At the same time, your body declines, your memory and energy decline, your long term dysfunctional relationships fall apart, children who adore you around - cute, loving, playful - even if not your children, like your niece-nephews, they grow up, becomes self-absorbed, not see or appreciate you anymore, or even see you as failure, not the adorable parent or aunt/uncle or loving neighbour.. So your ego can shutter, you could end up seeing yourself even with less self-worth than before, your resentment and disappointments accumulate too and become hard to ignore. You worry about your career, some don't end up being promoted much, and now have to work with younger, job switch harder, or you hate your job a lot.

It's interesting how the pattern of not being seen and heard is playing out again in this session. Alex talks over her most of the time, doesn't let her finish sentences and is basically telling her what is what. In a way, it's a repetition of the dynamic she talks about at the beginning of the session - the argument she was having with her husband and kids. The more active and overpowering Alex is, the more she will hold on to her own view. What she needs is space to hear her own thoughts, someone to mirror them back and to ask insightful questions so she can explore other options for herself.

3.26 YES YES YES - I’ve actually done a load of self work over the last few years …I’ve freed myself from the family crap and apologising for who I am … it’s about ME now finally because i as fed up feeling bad about myself- I’ve been you Katie , but NO MORE - ! For me now at age 62 I also don’t believe “ anyone is going to want me because “ I too have low confidence in My looks ..probably because my parents drummed into me this ego that won’t bloody chill out !

Katie , your amazing. You aren't crazy, the truth is your spouse is disrespectful calling you names and gaslighting you. Your kids are doing what all kids do, and all mothers react the same as you. We work our fingers to the bone and they make a mess etc. Your a great mum. Don't put up with a bloke who treats you like crap. Your better than that.

This was a powerful episode. I really appreciated how Alex held a steady, persistent inquiry and honest presence on Katie’s behalf to guide her into some difficult territory to explore and confront. I also appreciated the topic and the importance and simplicity of the Top Tip for building a stronger relationship with oneself. I’ll be digesting and applying my learning from this one for awhile.

I'd be very interested to see why all four of Katie's children (3 of which are adults) call her 'crazy'? She does say in this episode that her behavior is 'assertive' and then qualifies it as 'aggressive'. To be honest, I don't think this therapist goes far enough probing the onsets, duration and outcomes of family arguments. He's quick to offer solutions and move on. I would just like to know more to make sense of this. But I have immense empathy for Katie and her situation. She seems like a very kind woman at heart. I can relate to her need to set boundaries with people.

Katie, I think you are beautiful, both inside and out, and anyone would be lucky to have you, baggage and all. I feel as you do, and I only go out of my house to walk my dog, and so there is not much chance of me meeting a lovely man, but we never know I suppose?! I also feel that it would be too much mental stuff to weigh someone down with, but again, we never know what is around the corner. Because we are people pleasers, maybe we will meet someone who wants to be loved, and will care and love us back the way we deserve to be. xxxx

This conversation is so interesting. It is so sad to hear this lovely smart lady state how she feels after what seems to be a life if service to her family, career and community. She is not alone - women all over the world are in the same boat but in denial. They bottle up their feelings and live behind the "fascade". I remember my parents and the respect dad had for women. Never heard him use a negative word to mom. He helped with household chores after a day's work. He came from generations past. He had a deep respect for people. This is young therapist but has so much insight to the problems here. Yes, the sun will shine again and along the way, family has learned not to take mom for granted. I am just basing my thinking on what I have heard in this session. I don't know those people or family dynamics. Thus is truly educational for all families. Blessings to all.

Thankyou Alex. These interviews are teaching me more about myself and my relationship too🙂

Awesome….. Thank you Alex for being a a wonderful human being and doing. And thank you Kate for being brave and allowing your therapy to be filmed. So helpful to so many people,me included. May you find your peace and love along this journey, you are certainly on the way.

So honest and open. 🙏🏻

What a powerful episode. Such an eye opening session to watch and for myself. I’ve watched all the previous episodes and related to them all but this one hit home and made me able to see in myself exactly what it is that I need to work on and I’m able to take a lot of the tools I’ve been given from my own support system and the help from all the previous episodes will help me to achieve my own peace and self love so thank you for all that you do to help others and myself on their journey 🙏🏽

Awesome episode. Thank you Alex and Katie.

Superb. Well done. 🎉