Author Charles Duhigg explores how and why some people are better at handling conversations

I miss having full fledged conversations with people and both parties asking questions. Most people just like talking about themselves, asking how are you so they don’t seem selfish and if you say fine, they bring the conversation back to themselves. It’s very lonely and I wish people asked me more questions.

Funny, I always ask questions because small talks gives me anxiety however I've had people say things to me like "you ask a lot of questions ".

Yes, yes, yes, ask questions! The loneliest time in my life was raising my son who has autism. It would have meant the world to me if someone--anyone--was caring and curious enough to ask a simple question like: "What is it like to parent a child with autism?" Instead, everyone told me a story about their neighbor's cousin's ex-boyfriend who had a kid with autism.

I was impressed by the questions that the professor posed to the students. They elicited highly personal, revealing in-depth answers that allowed the two people to connect with each other at more than a superficial level. Small talk while all right for openers, thwarts this deeper involvement so that people have an illusion of contact with another person while they are avoiding the other person as well as themselves.   One of the students commented that they felt "uncomfortable" with the questions while another balked at answering a question because it was "too personal." But these sorts of conversation topics are what bring the greatest satisfaction to both people as they open their minds and their hearts to another person and become less guarded. Small talk is a substitute for real interactions with other people.

This needs to be nurtured from a very young age. As a child I would’ve loved for my curiosity to be appreciated more.

Nobody asks questions anymore. Everyone in America just likes to talk about themselves, one-up each other, and try to redirect topics back to themselves. 🤦‍♂️

So… I was just told that my coworkers complain that I ask too many questions. 😂😂

This is an interesting conversation. I wouldn't naturally pick up a book on this topic to read, but I'm going to add it to my list.

Thank you 🙏

This is very interesting. Good story.👍🏼🌷

To me, as someone on the spectrum, this sounds like giving people the opportunity to information dump while also being genuinely interested in what they’re talking about. I think a lot more people could have conversations like this if we didn’t use people’s uniqueness and flaws to bully them. I feel like a lot of the students would not feel like the conversation was awkward or the questions were personal if we as a society did not have a habit of weaponizing people’s vulnerabilities as a way to test them down.

I agree that asking questions is essential in any conversation. However, I heard nothing new or different today from the discussion—only the best with the sale of your new book.

I love this

Actually I would find the questions in the survey too intrusive for a first encounter. What about small talk? The study seems to be deliberately designed to create a sense of connection by asking rather personal questions from the get go. So of course, the particpants feel a connection. I wonder if the results would be different if the researchers used standard Ice breaker questions, like where are you from? Or what do you fo for fun?

So the moments of human interaction are the best parts of someone's day, even when they're introverts? Interesting. So is being an introvert mostly being easily overwhelmed by interactions, and needing alone moments before getting back?

This is all so true. My daughter and I have both noticed that our co workers only want to talk about themselves; their children, their vacations, their problems. No one ever ASKS about US. Or if they do, it's only a superficial interest, they make a superficial reply, and then they go back to talking about themselves. I have one co worker who literally never stops talking long enough for me to say anything! Mabe that's why social media is wildly popular. At least; in YouTube commenting; you can express yourself without being interrupted. I think I'm good at communicating. The problem is getting people to engage with me in the same way.

One major observation about the scene in the University of Chicago classroom was there were hardly any males in the class. There’s a story there too!

Did all of the men decide to skip class that day?

06:13 pssh, nothing new about that. I've seen it on StarTrek lots of times, it's called the Vulcan mind meld.

6:49 indicator of happier at 65 is strong relationships at 45.