Therapist Explains Why You Don't Feel Anything Anymore... (Alexithymia 101)

To be completely honest, I think the root of my problem is the lack of social gathering or purpose to go outside. I'm only out when I have to work, or to go to the bank, or really just shopping. I used to always be the quiet guy at school, here I am only communicating with my co-workers and customers, yet I get stuck on deepening bonds with the people I'm used to talk to. I hardly ever get invited into people's lives and because of this, I cannot express how I feel emotionally. I can't relate to people, but strangely enough, I'm fine with it.

i am speechless, years of therapy not finding an explanation, at least 6 therapist... and in 45 mins you just explained ME to me. OMG thank you.

The fact that I can be alexithymic to my own emotions but hyperaware and hypervigilant of others' emotions is a real kick in the pants.

The scariest part is that I can remember a time in my life where anger was like an emotional safety blanket. The only times I ever felt safe where when I was angry or upset about something. It was like I knew every other emotion could be taken away at any time and I was afraid and so that was all I had left.

You mentioned 'neglect' and it made me reflect on me growing up. We always had food. My parents were a little strict, but they seemed loving. Then you talked about them being out of the house. For many years of growing up, both of my parents worked, so many times there wasn't an adult to be around. My response was to sort of go into myself, video games, etc. Plus I was a "gifted" kid, so I was shuttled off to another school away from my neighbors. Now I'm the epitome of 'burned out adult' because the only emotions I seem to feel often are fear, frustration, sadness, and boredom.

As someone who often feels emotionless, this is very helpful and explains a lot.

Why the hell is this thing not talked about more? I'm a woman, and I never ever checked out all the criteria of something before this. All those years of wondering what is my deal and why am I just going with the flow when everyone around me seem to be motivated for something, why I cannot genuinely explain how anything affects me. Blaming it on pure laziness and lack of discipline and beating myself up over and over and no specialist even brought up that was a thing? That's insane. This is the first time in my life ever since I got out of the worse of my depression at around 18-19 that something finally explains something. I'm 28 now this answer was long overdue so thank you for this! I can finally move forward with somewhat of an idea instead of walking aimlessly thinking I'm just a shit person.

I just called it being dead inside.

This video really spoke to me. I am a survivor of childhood emotional abuse and I had to learn to ignore my feelings and needs in order to survive. I feel so trapped in my current life and unable to change anything. I have friends constantly asking me why I always look so unhappy and honestly I have no idea what I'm feeling or why I feel it.

9:15 REALLY caught my attention. I've noticed time and time again that I put in work and grind and spread myself thin but ultimately succeed when it's someone else's deadline. Work, college, army, if you need me to show up at a certain time and place to do a thing, no problem. But the second it becomes internal and personal, when I set the deadline and it doesn't affect anyone else, I'll put it off forever. I always just thought i was prone to self sacrificing

Diagnosed with ADHD at like age 6, with Asperger at age 16. I wouldn't say I don't feel anything. It's just that at some point in my life I had a strong need to disconnect my feelings from the outside world and that required segregation. The need originates from being affected too much by what others did and said. So I dug a moat and built a drawbridge that I lift whenever someone makes me feel emotionally unsafe. This allows me to prevent being emotionally manipulated or severely hurt by others. But a side-effect is that the rest of my life is more comfortable/less painful when the draw bridge is up, so at some point I subconsciously transitioned from the draw bridge being down unless there's anticipated danger...to the draw bridge being up unless there's something I really want to connect to. And so a self-defense mechanism became a weakness. But the root cause isn't that I don't feel anything. It's that I am afraid of my emotions being at the whim of other people. And that fear is never going to go away. I have experienced the painful proof that I always need a plan B instead of wholeheartedly creating a dependency on others. That's the core of my Avoidant personality. They can't hurt me if my dependency is symbolic. We agreed to meet but you don't show up? That's fine, I had a plan B before I even agreed to meeting up.

I got a little scared listening to "Stimulus Bound". Thats how I got myself to get my driving licence at 30 yrs old. How I got to buy a car. How I got a raise at work. They all sound positive but I felt very little joy in accomplishing these grownup milestones.

A big reason I love my video games is simply because there is a clear goal and pathway to it. In life I feel so lost and can't seem to care enough about it to get found. Love the video!

“It can be caused by controlling or neglectful parents.” Great! I had both 🙃 I couldn’t show anger, sadness, hell I couldn’t even give my own opinion for fear of a perceived slight. I was often told that my ventures were gonna fail and so I’ve operated for the longest time on my parents wishes; and I’ve burned out from that too. Idk what’s worse, the emptiness from when I did follow my parents wishes or currently when I no longer have any type of purpose.

Im 18 years old, Ive been to so many child psychologist and then later other therapists, not knowing what was going on being unable to explain anything that I was feeling, developing addictions going to rehab still not knowing what's going and you just make a 45 minute video that has now for the first time in my entire life made me understand a part of what's going on. Thanks man, and a lil bit of thanks to the YT algorithm for recommending me this video

ASD with Alexythimia and ASPD traits combined with lifetime of chronic bullying and just a general lack of bonding to even people that treat me good is quite an experience.

Thank you so much. I’ve written this in diaries and such countless times - I describe it as ‘second hand emotion’, where I know what I’m meant to feel, I just… don’t. Thank you so so so much man.

I also feel it happens the same when you re experience the same “bad” emotions or feelings over and over again til you cannot feel those emotions anymore, or just go through the same traumatizing experiences; you get desensitized (?)

Ironically, this video hit me right in the feels. I've made a hobby, not a profession, of learning as much about psychology in its different forms from several therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, internet, and youtube in trying to figure out wtf is wrong with me. You gave it a word, a definition, examples, and an actual step forward. You have a new subscriber sir. Thank you

I literally have to fake emotions around other ppl, a lot of acting. Like, act excited to see someone, or like I miss them, or act sad in situations where I'm supposed to be sad, like funerals, I even have to act Angry, when someone does something wrong to me. If I do manage to get upset or angry, (it's actually more like being offended, than anger), like, if someone screws me over, it passes so quickly, then after I have to keep faking anger & upset ness to get my point across, even tho I'm not actually feeling it. But I have to do it, so the person doesn't screw me over again. It's exhausting. I'm always exhausted being around ppl bc of my anxiety, & masking; this is just another hurdle to add to my exhaustion. Nobody knows this about me, I haven't told anyone in my life that I no longer am feeling any emotions. I've tried a few times in the past, but wasn't believed, or dismissed. And I assume, if I was to b believed, everyone would think I'm mean or cold or an asshole. I'm still good to ppl, bc I used to feel emotions, & I know how it feels to b hurt, even tho I don't hurt anymore. But I've been concerned for many years now, bc I used to b overly emotional, until these past ten years.