The Future is a Dead Mall - Decentraland and the Metaverse
5,124,368
Published 2023-03-26
The metaverse salespeople have a weird fixation with Animal Crossing, in specific. The number of times we saw New Horizons specifically cited as an example of the metaverse was bizarre, like it was their first time experiencing a multiplayer game that wasn't CoD and it melted their brains.
Written by Dan Olson and Nathan Landel
Produced and performed by Dan Olson
Nathan Twitter: twitter.com/choice_au
Dan Twitter: twitter.com/FoldableHuman
Crowdfunding: www.patreon.com/foldablehuman
00:00:00 Chapter 1 - Welcome to Decentraland
00:05:31 Chapter 2 - The Metaverse
00:21:35 Chapter 3 - The Dead Mall of the Future
01:06:27 Chapter 4 - Clap your Hands or Tinkerbell Dies
01:22:02 Chapter 5 - A Child’s Vision of Governance
01:38:05 Chapter 6 - A Magic Circle
All Comments (21)
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TIMELINE OF CRITICAL CAT EVENTS*: 5:25 Amy watches Dan dance 5:49 Amy licks her tummy 42:35 Amy twitches in her sleep 54:34 Amy gets comfy 1:08:29 Amy stares at Dan 1:11:33 Amy gets a toy 1:19:50 Amy gets skritches Amy stretches at 30:06, 36:46, and 1:21:58 *Edited to add timestamps courtesy of replies below. This is what real internet communities look like.
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Jesus Christ, ChatGPT-generated jokes overlayed on a blank wall in a VR comedy club has to be the layer of hell that Dante forgot to mention.
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Everytime a tech Bro pretends to be a forward thinking rebel, they end up making a feudal society.
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If there’s anything that’s a testament to the irrelevancy of decentraland, it’s the fact that Nintendo hasn’t taken any issue with the modern Mario houses
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The year is 2037. You’re on your way to your metajob in the metaverse. Your office is on the 7th floor, but the stairs don’t have collision, and the elevator hasn’t be programmed to actually work. You spend 30 minutes trying to parkour on the handrails, falling off and having to restart the journey over and over again. You get to your office half an hour late, and are promptly fired. This is the 4th job that this has happened in. You are now unable to feed your metaspouse and metachildren.
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The focus on mining in the embedded games really implies that the developers saw Minecraft and instead of realising that kids love creativity, they took away the idea that the children yearn for the mines.
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The idea of a digital facsimile of a real dog, eternally begging for its physical counterpart to be adopted, long after the real dog has been adopted, lived a full life, and ultimately died, is genuinely horrifying.
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"The world literally rotates around you!" rotates the third person camera around the avatar, just like in every third person game ever
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The one-two punch of "The Decentraland Report is a dystopian concept of news reporting" into "nothing worth reporting happens in Decentraland to let it be dystopian" always gets me
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this video is probably responsible for the largest amount of people who have ever concurrently thought about decentraland
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Think about this: They made a virtual world so boring that you can't even find weird perverts in it.
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It's wild people cite Snow Crash and Ready Player One as inspirations when those books are literally dystopian hellhole novels.
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...I can't believe this only just occurred to me. Decentraland being inspired by The Matrix literally makes it the embodiment of that meme about inventing the Torment Nexus from the famous book "Don't Invent The Torment Nexus"
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I laughed so hard when The Defiant said "the metaverse revolves around you" and then clarified that he meant you can literally move the camera around your character. A+
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"Don't shop less, shop digitally" is the perfect summary of the nightmare fuel the metaverse is
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Watching Gloria Gao finish the fashion week show and yell "what the fuck did I just watch," followed by her hyping up the future potential of Decentraland, was truly some whiplash.
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Techbros, every 3-5 years: Technically, you can make a square wheel work if you reworked all roads to have this particular bumpy shape.
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The comedy of techbros fundamentally misunderstanding why people go outside and spend time with friends is uniquely fascinating.
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Its still so funny that in a digital utopia where you can do anything, be anything, and see anything, where art and creativity are unrestrained by physical limits and anything you can think of is a possibility, these people seem to be unable to dream bigger than walking to mcdonalds and ordering a big mac from another actual person. Its embarassing.
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Why order a pizza on the phone like a chump when you can boot up your computer, put on your VR headset, log into decentraland, travel to a pizza kiosk, and talk to a guy who will then order you a pizza on the phone? It’s so much simpler!
