Miscellaneous Myths: Aphrodite
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Published 2019-02-15
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Quick edit! Saw some comments cranky I didn't mention Cyprus. Sorry, guys, I only had so much time, and Cythera is physically the location of her oldest temple and the origin of her worship in ancient greece. Cyprus is sometimes seen as her birthplace, but it varies from myth to myth. Since I was covering the historical spread of her worship, I figured the REAL birthplace of her cult was worth more focus than the fictional one. 😉
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All Comments (21)
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Someone: Chooses to be virgin Aphrodite: so you've chosen death
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Ancient Greece: aphrodite can't be the goddess of love AND war. Those things just dont go together Also ancient greece: let's make her do it with ares
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Okay but actually though having a "Who's the hottest goddess?" contest and being surprised/upset someone chose the goddess of beauty and love is like having a "who's the best at hunting?" contest and being surprised that Artemis won. Like, I get it, having three women asking you who's the most attractive is a no win scenario, but still
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Aphrodite: Who are you? Astarte: I'm you but a fighter Ishtar: I'm you but a damn queen Areia: I'm Astarte again Urania: I'm you but a saint Pandemos: I'm you but a sinner~ Virgin Mary: I'm not you but the Christians think I am
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Goddesses: "Which of us is most attractive?" Zeus: "You're asking me to judge between my sister-wife, my daughter, and my niece?" Goddesses: "Yeah." Zeus: "Um … you know who'd be a better judge? Paris of Troy! Yeah …"
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"Oh Aphrodite, you don't belong on the battlefield you silly, silly girl." "Why?" "Becuase women aren't allowed on the battlefield." "Okay, but why is Athena on the battlefield then." "Look imma be real with you, we already have at least two official war gods and that isn't even including aspects or other higher beings. Can you please just sit this one out."
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Athens: at Aphrodite you can't be the goddess of war, that's wrong you are a woman Athena: stares blankly at the city-state named after her
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I almost wonder if her "Aphrodite Areia" epithet might have influenced her trysts with Ares. As a Goddess of Love and War, it'd be unsurprising that she'd also be down for some fun for the native Greek God of War.
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"Let's be real, having the goddesses of rulership and battle tactics opposing you in a war is not a good thing." Aphrodite Areia: "Heard you were talking shit."
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Aphrodite Urania: Love is a divine, transcendent thing Aphrodite Pandemos: Love is passion and physical attraction Aphrodite Areia: THIS IS SPARTA
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If Aphrodite was a real person she’d either be that “YOU JUST GOT MARRIED? WHEN ARE YOU GONNA HAVE KIDS?!” person or the “So I just set you up on a date with this random discord mod :3”
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Let's face it, Paris picked what he believed to be the least dangerous option, but forgot to take into account that this was Aphrodite he was dealing with... - Ruler of half a continent? Assassinations and politics sound fun? - Wisdom and battle strategies? Guess who's now responsible for the entire army? - Hot girlfriend? Maybe some jealous guys, but at least it's not a war, right? Hehe, right...?
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Literally all of Greece: "You know, not every god/goddess needs to be related to war, right?" Sparta: aggressive warrior gasps! Vikings: "Don't listen to them Sparta!"
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Singlehandedly kickstarts an entire war "Teehee, can't help being a Gemini"
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The thing that confuse me the most is there are so many goddesses whose concepts are 'political power , warfare , military tactics , wisdom , philosophy etc' yet women were almost always never allowed to have any political power , education , ownership of themselves.
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Eris yelling "Street Smarts!" As she throws the apple is to good😂
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Sparta: All gods are war gods! Rest of greece: that doesn't make any sens.... Norse: Heeeey! Up tops Sparta!
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New headcanon: the "previous versions" of the Olympians continue to exist as facets of the god in question's personality. Aphrodite:
Aphrodite: "Oh, teehee, I don't know what I was thinking!" Aphrodite Areia, literally the second Zeus' back is turned: "Just as planned." -
Actually in Spartan Culture the wife/mother of the household is often revered. They were said to have political power and were the ones in charge back home. I read somewhere that a Spartan's biggest disgrace is being divorced by their wife. So Aphrodite in Sparta being a War-Mother as well as Love/Fertility makes perfect sense.
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Red getting increasingly angry over the constant need for tit-censorship is the funniest thing in this video
